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Homepage Forums Support From Our Forum Community OCD & Intrusive Thoughts I need help, i don’t want to try to kill myself again, i’m scared {TRIGGER W}

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    Karla SPGP
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      Hi, i hope somebody could help me, and my apolgies cause english isn’t my first language, i just hope someone is having the same fear as me and could gladly help me or even meet someone like me, thank you

      First of all, I am diagnosed with ocd and harm ocd, although my harm ocd is much better, the problem comes that after this I was very afraid of having schizophrenia, a psychotic break and all the variants, and about a week ago I I tried to commit suicide because I felt like I was crazy, everything I know about schizophrenia and others I know from searching the internet, which I know I shouldn’t have done, so I have had many intrusive thoughts such as how they are spying on you, they are talking about you, the government is spying on you, and many more for everything I’ve read, my brain sponges and takes all that information and uses it to screw me.

      A few weeks ago I had a panic attack because I felt that I believed a thought that it was, the king is coming for you, and I felt that it was true, while I was telling myself it is a lie, it is a lie, until I calmed down and spoke with my psychologist .

      And on the 9th was when I tried to commit suicide, I did not succeed because my mother caught me, they took me to the emergency room to have my wrist sewn and then they took me to the psychiatric emergency room. The psychiatrist there told me that it was the complete opposite of what I’m afraid of (which is going crazy, having an outbreak, etc.) and that more or less calmed me, until he told me that toc can create sensations, I mean I cut myself because I felt that a UFO was going to come, I was going to go out on the street and a UFO was going to come that was what I felt, although I did not believe in UFOs but it was what I felt.

      And well it seems that my sessions with the psychologist calmed me down a little more because she explained the same thing to me, if I am afraid of having schizophrenia or having an outbreak, and I have an intrusive thought like the government is spying on me, then the feeling that I am going to feel is that it is true, that that is what is happening, they are sensations that although they feel real are false, they are sensations that my ocd send me so that I believe that I am indeed crazy. Well, all right, because I met another psychologist who told me it was the same, and another psychiatrist who told me the same and well I was calmer. Until yesterday afternoon when I had an intrusive thought, the thought was because they were building a store on the street and my brain did this: it is a government store that is there to spy on you, the first thing I felt was fear, just like with others intrusive thoughts, but just a few seconds after I had an intrusive image too and in the image I saw myself acting crazy, like a psychotic, angry because I acted as if I had already believed the thought, I mean angry because they were spying on me, I had that image and the feeling and i felt the same like what I have explained about how the image was, the feeling/sensation was that I had believed that and acted psychotic as if I was having a psychotic break like a paranoid, i saw myself crazy that was the feeling and the imagen, like if i was having a psychotic break even tho i don’t know how that feels. I have commented on it to my psychologist but she has not answered me yet, so what I want to know is if this is also my ocd, it is one more sensation for me to ruminate and believe that I am indeed crazy.

      I have to say that since december i been having a lot of anxiety and since this happen i’m checking myself all the time, my surroundings, i’m scared all the time in case something trigger a psychotic break and well all that

      Thank you so much if you read all this, and well thank you to anybody who could help me i would be really happy 🙂 happy Christmas btw 🙂

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