My OCD theme at the moment is often linked to legal and moral things. Did I unknowingly commit a crime? Did I do it at previous work places, etc.? Does that make my whole career invalid? Does it mean I’m a criminal? Do I deserve my accomplishments or did I make mistakes that invalidate them? …and so on. Then it’s a bit like my mind is searching for mistakes I made in the past until it finds something. If it indeed does, I freak out.
I also think most people can’t understand what OCD is like unless they have it. Even then, OCD can be so individual.
And yes, sometimes being with people that make you feel alone is worse than actually being alone…I find it difficult to read when I have lots of intrusive thoughts. But I still like doing it and will try to keep it going. Also, recently I’m caught up in the OCD loop again that’s telling me that I have to think about this problem, I don’t deserve to feel positively, etc.I thought about a helpline before. Maybe I can even chat with them, I usually don’t like calling people.
