I experience similar. Kind of like I am willing people to get hurt. People that I have judged deserve it. The amount of hurt I feel they should have usually outweighs the reason I justify it with. But sometimes it feels like it is my role to judge who deserves what. I worry what I’m capable of, even though I’ve never acted on it. But sometimes I also feel what I can only describe as satisfaction in the thought that they will be harmed.