Reply To: I am a not a good man

[Anon35ParticipantParticipant]

I feel I need go add to this.  I have managed to accept that it’s normal to think about women and in getting over that infatuation of thinking of one women, it was never truly that, just fleeting thoughts and I always said I was having a hard time with that as felt guilty.  Don’t believe I had to feel guilty, just I was foolish to not understand it may hurt my wife.  She says it will take time and we are getting along as normal, but every time we have a disagreement she just goes off the handle so I basically feel like well I’m never going to be allowed to get angry at you am I.  She forgets she slept in the same bed as another guy and I had to deal with it, I trusted her on that when we first started dating.  Yeah I have faults but I can’t be the only one at fault here, she surely has to try and make changes too.  She maybe has and I’m not noticing it.  Maybe it’s still weird for her so I need to accept things that way.  She says I should knock when she’s in the shower as I went in to use the toilet.  Random comments like that make me feel like I am an invader and I’m her husband, I don’t know if I would treat her that way, I’ve never actually ever said stuff like that, I think it’s purposely being nasty.  Or maybe I’m being the one who’s wrong?  Like I should knock?  We’ve never knocked once.  Maybe she wants privacy to do things herself and I need just nod and say OK.  I did do that, but I said it’s not rude, it’s not rude at all, I’ve done this all my life and so have you, you can’t just say it’s rude now, that seems unfair, you could just say can I have a bit of privacy or something.  Maybe that’s one of the things I can change but it isn’t rude, it’s just comfort.  I just won’t do it again but I’ve asked her to speak to me better.

Every time I think it’s good she hurts my feelings with random things I never even thought existed.  Maybe now I’m learning more about her as she’s being more open so I wish to just try and not let it get to me and see it as a good thing.

She’s also said we have had a problem, but we don’t have problems so it’s unlikely we would split up.  I don’t know how I am meant to help her see it was harmless?  By actively doing the things she points out is currently making her uncomfortable.

We seem to be getting on better and aren’t arguing really at all.  I don’t know at all if I am being unfair, and need to accept that, or I do at some point need to defend myself a bit stronger, and point out, I haven’t done anything wrong and wont continue to feel like I am the bad one, when men actually cheat, and actually don’t care, where I do, I care enough to write it down In a journal because I feel guilt for it.