It’s just hard.  My wife couldn’t have been more understanding.  I am gutted she said she thinks less of me, for me thinking normal man thoughts.  I have never felt any harm in thinking lovely thoughts about women, why can’t I enjoy that, it’s not a crime.  I am only truly sorry for letting her know and see what I wrote as that is foolish of me as you say.  I am in agreement with that, but I feel completely unable to think now, or want to let myself think about women because I am now in the mindset of ” This is wrong, stop it, then I feel guilty, then I question it all, and then that makes me panic ” and what my question now to myself is:

    What does it mean?  Is this intrusive thoughts or just my reaction to my thoughts.  I now feel totally ashamed that I am thinking about it and I don’t want to be.  I like it when I can be friendly around nice women, why can’t I feel good about a women being nice to me, how is that not normal?  How is it also not normal for me to think this either, so I don’t have a clue how to even handle those thoughts, so I am fighting them away which is the problem, the fighting them away and trying to do that is a compulsion.  I don’t think they re intrusive either, I enjoy them, I just feel guilty about them, so I am now even thinking ” Can’t even watch online material now because when a thought of a women I know, if I know them comes in my head, I will feel like ” stop that thought, when I don’t want too, It’s just an imagination to help with our most natural thing ” – As I say I know exactly why I think specifically of her and it’s because she is very open, and I think that’s a little bit attractive but it’s not something I am entirely interested in pursuing.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    All I want to do is continue to have my brain think the way it wants, but just be more aware of how I act around women, and yes it’s OK to look, but try and refrain from going over board on the thoughts.

    Also feel bad for not commenting on other posts, I’d like to once I feel more in control of my own thoughts