Reply To: I am a not a good man

[Anon35ParticipantParticipant]

I have done that, even done abasic CBT course.  I did 6 weeks with a counsellor and it helped, but I never spoke that I think of it that often or what it means and that it feels terrible when I do.  That now after my wife spoke with me I’m scared to think the thooghts because I don’t want to stop thinking about them, it’s not a big deal,so when they come in it’s like an intrusive thought and I panic.  So I don’t know how to not feel the guilt about it, I want to believe to myself, it’s fine just don’t tell your wife it’s your own private head.

I also when sleeping will think a out different women, being with them, or any form of scenario that’s just made up because it’s not real and I’m not going to lie there and think about life that’s real.  And I am now questioning every thought in my head.  I just think I need someone to say it’s ok to think like that, it’s part of being human, and your wife is ok with it as long as you respect her and don’t let her know.  It seems like a pretty fair wife to me but I am still unable to believe it.  Maybe I will try and speak with someone else that wasn’t the same counselor but unless I tell my surgery I am ready to do something stupid I won’t get referred to a waiting list for psychology and it’s a year.  I think I’d like to talk to someone again but I don’t know who.  The UK will just offer me a mental health nurse, then direct me to online things, that’s it basically.  Unsure at all what it is that’s the problem.  Obsessive thinking, addict, weird person, I don’t know what I am to be honest.  I am sure I’m not an addict, and they say men think of it every 6 seconds or something, I don’t feel like I do that, my problem with anything in life is the way in which I react to my thoughts.  I don’t want to feel guilty for thinking of a good looking women, it’s totally normal and it’s like I’m ashamed of being so physically driven