Reply To: I am a not a good man

[Anon35ParticipantParticipant]

My only issue is on top of this I am feeling completely confused.  Am I meant to feel bad for thinking about people I know, should I punish myself for it, or am I just to be respectful of my wife.  I feel like it’s a case of these thoughts are ok, just protect my wife from them.  She said it was the hurt of writing down while she was there like I just didn’t care and she’s right, it’s bad and I didn’t even think or respect her for that, it’s the same as just saying it randomly to her and expecting her to be like yeah that’s cool.

I just can’t get passed the guilt I have now and basically will feel totally ashamed every time I think about anyone, and I feel like I am living a lie, that my head is meant to be open for everyone to see, and I don’t know if I want to feel that way.  I don’t want people to know if I’m [content edited by moderators] That’s what I do and it hasn’t caused me any major problems in my life.   I am not going about work or outside like just having no impulse control.  And I’m not getting thoughts and then acting on them in terms of releasing it, it’s just nice to have them.  I will always use other tools for things like that,  like online material and that’s not every single day either.  So I am literally scared now of the thoughts which is my actual battle that I don’t know how to fight.

I have these thoughts because I like them and I can’t control that, I can however learn how to control infatuation, and as I say when I am highly stressed like I am now it’s increased tenfold, and I want to be able to quieten the thoughts.

I said to my wife I will not be able to say more on the matter as it’s took everything out me and I hope if she ever needs to express a secret she will knowing that I have not shyed away.  I thanked her for not going off her head at me, and for trying to listen.  That also is an amazing quality of hers and a reason I chose her.  She’s a nice person deep down and right through and I knew that when I met her, how caring she is of others and I’ve never wanted anyone else