Reply To: The last ten years of contamination and checking ocd. And where I seem to be now
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Hi everyone… I awoke this morning feeling more tired than I would have been when I went to bed… I have the radio on at night, so I don’t have to listen to silence… The very sort of time when our natural intrusive thoughts can get out of control. Did I upset anyone today? Probably… But I cannot keep everything perfectly clean… Even if I could, would that be a good thing anyway? Does anyone else worry about me? Do they need to?
In my day to day living, some of the people I come into contact with, are natural antagonists… Anything I say, or do… But they never wash their hands at all… They are at more risk from themselves, than anything I could put them at risk from. So I can relax a bit. Yesterday we had the TV coverage of the Queens Platinum anniversary… But I bet the press will publish the photo’s of the the young prince picking his nose! It doesn’t make him ill, does it?
So, what about my hands this morning… I’ve washed my hands after using the loo… But the bathroom towel is gonna be damp, in the germ ridden environment of the toilet/bathroom. So… Has the towel ‘ever’ been clean? Ever? Even when I was a toddler? When I crawled on the floor when learning to walk? You can answer that one if you like…
Something I try to do a lot of is write… On my computer desktop I have a word processor file, called the ‘Angry files’.
Whenever I get frustrated, agitated or suchlike, I write it all down. It gets it out of my system, without anyone answering back… No one shouting back at me… No one saying that I’m being silly, I just get to say my piece, and then leave it there… But I don’t delete any of it… That would be devaluing it… I can refer back to it at a later time… See what I’ve come through… Wow! Don’t we all go through some stuff? When I look back, everything that has happened, good or bad, has brought me to where I am today… And to be honest… It’s almost okay…
I can check things… But no one else does… Well, they don’t do they? All those people who pass judgement over us… No one is ever perfectly clean… So, just maybe, We don’t have to be… When it comes to germs and bacteria, When we are adults, reasonably clean is gonna be good enough… It must be, or none of us would be here at all… In H.G.Wells’s story, ‘The war of the worlds’, the martians were doomed, the moment they exposed themselves to our atmosphere. But we aren’t doomed. By simply being here, We have already built up a large amount of resistance. Well, more than they did!
When I was learning how to use a computer for writing, I was in a college building, using a different computer each day… We ate food at breaktimes… There was only one toilet/washbasin. Just as it is on the orient express… Let’s all try not to worry, so that we can at least have a bit of a good time whilst we are here… Sure, some people will have everything money can buy, but maybe nothing else… I just thank God for ebay… Nearly everything in my home is secondhand. So was grubby before I even got it. And biologically, I’ve actually survived, and indeed, still do. We are hopefully going to get some sunshine today… But if we want to see a beautiful rainbow, we’ll first need a little bit of temporary rain…
I’m still on medicine… But that is okay… Let’s just see how today goes… I will try and manage without washing my hands every-time I touch anything… Sort of reduce it a bit… I’m not a threat to anyone else… They take their own risks… Just as I do.
Okay… More later, I’m off to try and prepare breakfast…
Wannabe