Reply To: The last ten years of contamination and checking ocd. And where I seem to be now

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

As I am a writer, I have been doing some writing today… I picked up some manuscripts from before my Ocd really took hold… It has been so long, since I’ve been able to edit something with depression in it, rather than specifically Ocd.  The depression however, was really, really bad. I ended up retiring from work due to ill-health… All because of a way over the top regime of, amongst other things, food hygiene, and people who were quite literally, unpleaseable. Nothing was ever good enough… I believe that, not long after I left, the management company pulled out, resulting in the closure of the premises… At least I survived… Just…  I’m now managing to live a happy life, after a very long mental illness, something I even had at school, but was never diagnosed.  I have got hold of some new dinner plates, small enough to go in the dishwasher, a process we are converting to, as there are only two of us at home, there is no point filling a sink of water after every meal.  I’ve heard that the dishwasher tablets are quite hazardous, so will be taking extra care when placing them in the machine.

I travel to visit the grandchildren on Sunday… A hotel overnight stop.  How about the beds in hotels… Are they really that clean? And if so, How do they manage it?  How could they manage it? The best way is, don’t look… The sheets are fresh, along with the pillowcases… Unlike the ones on our beds at home, Right?

And the quilt covers too…

What about the TV remote control?  Aren’t they gonna be basically the same as the ones we have at home?

In Summertime, we go to the seaside… Onto the beach… Some people brave the coldness of the sea itself… I shudder to think what could be in the water… But in most cases it is not flagged up as being hazardous…  On the South coast of Britain, we have the English Channel, one of the busiest maritime corridors in the world… In the North sea, the oil and gas fields…  And in some places, the air isn’t brilliant either… But we live… Our natural defences constantly adapting to the world around us…  I’m into cuddly toys, in a big way… Are they ever perfect? I doubt it… On my first day at school I remember having a huge teddy bear with me, it was bigger than me too… Other children would have played with it too… We all survived…  In my journey through OCD, I have had to relearn to just let things be…  It has not been easy at all. Two courses of CBT, with Exposure response prevention (ERP), thrown in, by a therapist who was very dynamic… Very, Hands on… Going through the tasks with me. Mentoring me, if you like.

Let’s try and relax for a couple of days… Alright, One day, right up until bedtime… Let us take the batteries out of something, and not worry about them. If they’ve leaked (A rare occurrence these days), it will be obvious, and everywhere…  So, if they are dry, we can just put them back in the item they came out of.  Only replace them when they’ve completely worn out.

Another thing… When we take the laundry out of the tumble dryer… Is it sterile? Will it still be sterile when exposed to air? That same air we breathe every moment of our lives?   Why should it matter?  Is whoever demands these things of us, themselves using the same exacting standards in their own lives?  In a word No. Definitely not… They cannot reach these standards, because they are, quite simply, unattainable. Maybe they give a big ask, so that we don’t look to see what they are really up to… Why try to pin the blame on me?

If someone you know, takes offence… Metaphorically give them the lawnmower, I heard someone say… My mate David is very quiet at the moment… He is still writing too, but has scaled back his operations a bit, he is working on some stuff of his own now…

Okay… Back in a couple of days…

God bless you for reading…

Wannabe