For the past few days, I was starting to get over my obsession with the possibility of being a trans man in denial. The obsession started because of me obsessing whether or not I was a [comment: edited by moderators] (a straight woman who desires relationships), which then became ocd about me worrying whether or not I was truly onel and that I could just be a straight girl pretending to be one
Back then I would test out my attraction to women until I got a thought that said “what if you aren’t a woman at all?” which then became trans ocd. For a few weeks, I was obsessed with the idea that I could be a trans person in denial of my true gender even though I had no discomfort identifying as a girl.
Days went by where I stopped checking, looking for reassurance, and doing rituals. For the most part, the thoughts began to subside and I started to feel like I could get over the obsession pretty soon. However, today I was on [comment: website and content removed by moderators]. I knew that if I looked into it I would get triggered, but for some reason, I decided to go ahead and check it out.
Initially, I didn’t see anything triggering. Just posts about people calling out the [comment: edited by moderators]. Then I stumbled upon a post in which [comment: edited by moderators]. and at first I thought “well that’s obviously a girl liking men”. Then I scrolled into the comments and I see MANY people saying “this one’s obviously a trans person in denial” or “As a trans person, I used to think this way until I realized I actually WAS a guy”.
Then I started to worry because I remembered about the times when I would sometimes imagine myself with a guy because I wanted to see if I found it ok if I felt aligned to the male gender (which I didn’t). I remembered about the whole thing I looked into a few days back.
Based on my research on the subject, I concluded that it isn’t necessarily a reliable indicator that someone could be trans, but someone in that comment section brought it up, and then I began fearing the possibility that I could be one despite the fact that I know the concept is nothing but bs (if you want me to explain, you can ask me. I actually think its an interesting topic). Idk, I thought I was doing well these past few days but then I just spiraled into all this again.
