Ocd or what I hope to be ocd is torturing me, I don’t even feel like me anymore I feel evil, I have horrible thoughts about god, And it feels like I’m bringing the thoughts on by thinking of them I guess to check and see how I feel about them I don’t know I feel like god is punishing me, I get thoughts saying god can’t take my blessings when I know he can but ocd makes me doubt that, I’m afraid I’ll start believing it and I don’t want to I’m just so broken I don’t feel human I feel like a empty crying machine, I’ll replace the thought sometimes and say yes he can then thoughts will say why are you saying that when he can’t, It really feels like I’m making these thoughts in my head, But this is not me, I’m not this horrible person get thoughts wishing bad on people saying that god can’t when I know he can he’s just a good god and that’s why he don’t do that and I’m so thankful he don’t, I doubt every single thing I think, I don’t know what reality feels like anymore I’m stuck in my brain scared I’m getting punished by god but then it feels like I don’t care when I want to but then feels like I’m lying about that, Has anyone experienced this!! I feel god is punishing me I just feel evil and I hate it!
