No problem at all

[RosenrotParticipant]

Hi, First of all, if you actually have a Kindle, reading books about ocd is no problem at all. I am a bit worried at the moment because university starts again next week and I already feel exhausted by my living conditions alone … my last day in the hotel today. I have been back to the student apartment to get a hand cream I had forgotten to take to the hotel. I took a longer look at the kitchen today which seems to be the most ok room at the moment. Apart from the fact that my former tenant has also left “my” kitchen cabinet quite stained and sticky.

Smoking is not allowed anywhere in the student halls here! That is why I am so mad that the housing company does not show a lot of interest in the smoke smell. Why don’t they admonish students who break the house rules, and instead tell me to deal with it? The smoky bathroom worries me most at the moment because it is not only disgusting but really unhealthy, and as the bathroom does not even have a window, I have no idea if it is even possible to get rid of the smell again. By now I also feel it would be fair to just offer me a different room as there are so many things to be repaired and cleaned in this place…

The question remains if I can stand it here for at least one more semester, that would mean till mid June.  During this time I could perhaps also figure out a way to finish the last two semesters from Germany and still get the degree in the end. I can do a research project in the third semester, something I could most likely also write in Germany. I feel sad about just wanting to leave as soon as possible but I know I’d feel even worse not having the master’s degree at all. My parents wanted to visit me here in summer and travel, so if I could stand it here till then at least, they could just pick me up for the holiday in June and then I could return to Germany with them …. hm.

At the moment I realize how much I’d like to have my own little place that I could keep clean the way I want. I realize I need routines … exercise in the morning, a kitchen where I feel free to cook something healthy, a space where I can sleep undisturbed and relax…but even back in Germany I would have to search for an apartment first of course, and it is quite expensive and difficult in the region I come from. I realize my physical health suffers a lot here, too, as I cannot motivate myself to work out in a place I don’t feel comfortable in (and gyms are still closed), and I tend to eat way too much unhealthy food and snacks.

My memory also feels like a sieve often but surprisingly it does usually work in the end (exams) when it really needs to… I frequently struggle to concentrate on reading when my mind is harrowed by so many other, depressing and frightening thoughts…

I just managed to contact one of the other tenants in fact. She told me she thought it was the person from my room which left the apartment in such a bad condition, and that it was a female, but I don’t know more. Maybe that’s good, I don’t know. I am very afraid of returning to the apartment tomorrow. It is cery cold here at the moment, so I can’t spend the night running around outside in case I can’t bear the apartment. Hm….I’m getting very anxious.

[Author]

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