I still have a fear that I may be a trans boy. In summary, I am a girl and have always seen myself as a girl. I’ve never felt any discomfort with identifying as female. However, recently my ocd has fixated on the possibility that I could be trans and that I secretly want to be a man. I don’t know what to do in this situation. I’ll see pictures of men and get thoughts saying “you wish you were a man instead of a woman” and that makes me feel distressed. I get intrusive thoughts of myself being a boy and of myself having a penis and I get so scared because the thoughts are so brief that I have no idea if I like it or not. And when I look at women, I get thoughts saying “Are you really satisfied with being a girl? Don’t you want to be a man?” I constantly feel as though I have to assert my gender identity by repeating “I am a girl” to myself over and over again. I also constantly look at myself in the mirror to make sure that I don’t feel stressed over having a female body. I constantly look down at my body and touch myself to make sure I don’t feel as though I want to be a boy. I’m sure that an actual trans person wouldn’t be feeling this way, but I still can’t seem to convince myself that I’m not a trans man. I don’t want to be a man, but my mind is just giving me so much doubt about myself and I fear that I may be a trans man in denial. I’ve read that there were trans people who used to be in denial because they didn’t want to undergo all that, and I fear that I may be one of those people. Again, I am not against trans people themselves, but I myself do not identify as a man nor do I ever want to become one.
