I’ve had a relapse in my tocd when I thought I was finally starting to escape. Now every day I’m plagued with thoughts of myself being anything but female. I want to be a girl, but my mind wants to convince me that I don’t. I can’t even tell if this is ocd or not. I’m starting to fear that it could be internalized transphobia. I look up the symptoms for gender dysphoria and they don’t really seem to fit me…but I still keep getting thoughts about being a man when I know that deep down I don’t want to be one. I’ll look at a man I find attractive and I’ll get thoughts that say “are you attracted to him? Or do you want to be him?” and then I just don’t know how to tell. I don’t know how I’ll get over this. What if this is dysphoria and not really ocd? What if I do end up being a man in denial? I don’t know how to answer all these questions…
