Hey everyone,
Had a little trigger last night and it bought back something from years ago.
I’m going on holiday Wednesday and I really want to enjoy so I’m like in panic mode at the moment.
I’ll try and keep it short… Years ago from when I was a teenager up until I was 21 or just turned 22, I would daydream about a certain scenario and I would daydream about my crush who was usually a male celeb in their 30’s/40’s getting into trouble at school, and sometimes it would be intrusive but rarely.
when I was younger I used to panic and wonder why I would daydream about such a thing. More recently i feel like I’ve had this realisation that growing up I always wish I had been born a boy. I don’t feel like this so much now, but it’s still kind of with me.
I think that’s why I had imagined myself in this daydream scenario.
when I told my therapist about this years ago, she came back to me and said that she had spoken to her boss and wondered why I thought I’d have this daydream.
I then panicked and even now keep thinking – why would she tell her boss – does that mean that the daydream was sick and creepy? Does having that type of daydream I had make me bad?
in my head now, I know that the daydream was innocent and just me dreaming about The scenario, as growing up and in school I felt like I wanted to be a guy.
what do you think? Am I worrying over nothing? Am I creepy? Or do therapists normally discuss things with their bosses?
I just keep thinking ‘oh she must have thought it was perverted to have gone to her boss about it’
