Hello
I’m two years into my problem.
Back in July 2019, I started having obsessions and intrusive thoughts regarding my identity, and it’s gotten out my control. I thought I had the problem licked, but at this point, I’m ready to concede that it isn’t OCD.
Recently, I started therapy, but it seems to have only increased the thoughts, worries and obsessions, and I can’t stop testing. The specialist has told me that I need to learn little by little to quit testing and just let the thoughts occur when they do, but I can’t resist the urge to test (or maybe it’s a true urge).
I start to test, but then as I go further I start to panic and think, “Why am I not repulsed?” I try to reassure myself, “It’s okay! This is good! You’re g** anyways!” I want to stop, but I can’t. Finally, I check and when I realize it’s happened, my stomach drops. There’s the proof. But then why should I feel scared when I insisted on doing this to myself?
Honestly, I feel like I’m gay. I know there’s nothing wrong with it nor do I have a problem with it, but whenever I think about the possibility, I become resistant and ambivalent and I don’t understand why.
Can anyone else relate?
