Reply To: Wannabefree’s Friday night Blog…

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi Friends…

Today I would like to explore the subject of ‘Guilt’.

Many OCD’ers suffer pangs of guilt, often misplaced or exaggerated Guilt. I know I do. In care work, which I was involved with for some years, There can be an excessive sense of responsibility for our own actions, how we interact with people around us etc. How do you function cheerfully in an environment where some rules actually contradict themselves. The proverbial red tape tied up in knots.  Some food hygiene rules make the food inedible!

We can try to read other people’s thoughts, make pre-judgements of ourselves. Does he or she like me? If not, Why not? We can then knock ourselves down, and effectively become our own worst enemy. We ourselves know where we are vulnerable, and can stab ourselves metaphorically, in the worst possible ways. we punish our own weaknesses in ways others cannot fully utilise.  Our own self-esteem doesn’t stand a chance. And without that, well… We well know what that feels like.

Do we forgive ourselves anything like as much as those who hurt us? Are we really worth less than them?

Absolutely No.

We are good people deep down, trying to cope with a very judgemental society. If we show sensitivity, it is often seen as a weakness. And yet… People like ourselves are the very salt of the earth. No one is perfect, nor can they be. Everyone has to bend the rules sometimes. Life is like that… Nothing is strictly clear cut, or 100% right. There are lot’s of beautiful metaphorical curves, rather than rigid straight lines. We need to metaphorically ‘bend gently’ to life’s demands. We need to forgive ourselves more. Perhaps twice as much as we would forgive anyone else around us.

Others around us are bending rules all the time. A tree that doesn’t bend in the wind will snap and break. Flexible trees embrace the wind, move in harmony with it.

Why was I targeted by bullies? I most certainly was not a threat of any kind, if anything I was soft, A pussyfooter. But that is what my life experience has made me… It’s a survival tactic. The theory could be, be nice to others, and they will return the favour. Except that it doesn’t work like that in real life, unfortunately. People can be worse than wild animals. When the circumstances are such, people become like vultures. At the reading of a will, family members fight and squabble over tiny details. Homeowners fight over who owns the boundaries, even what the boundaries consist of, right down to mere millimetres regarding the positioning of fences etc. Car parking spaces can become an issue. If you are good and give people an inch, they take the proverbial mile, and more, if they think they can get away with it. And they don’t feel guilty regarding how you or I might feel as a result.

We need to dissolve our feelings of guilt, misplaced or not. We are as much citizens of this world as anyone else around us, we aren’t perfect, nor are we meant to be. Just forgiveable, and believe me, we all are.

I believe that Heaven, has many rooms, for all the different faiths and mantras of the world. Perhaps if people were more lenient towards each other we wouldn’t feel so awful about ourselves sometimes.

Guilt is largely a man-made thing. There is credibility in the statement, ‘To err is human, Forgive; Divine’ regardless of wherever you place yourself in the grand scheme of things. It is impossible for any one person to be totally at fault. I’ll say that again, cos it is important. ‘It is impossible for any one person to be totally at fault’, although solicitors make an absolute fortune out of trying to prove such things. We are each a product of the world we are born into, and shaped, however badly or well, by those we come into contact with, from the very moment we are born. Our lungs are polluted every time we take a breath, likewise with everything we ingest.

But we are built in such a way to have physical resistance, immunity if you like, to our surroundings, when we receive the right sustenance and support. Of course, that sustenance and support is not infallible. Things inevitably go wrong as well as right. But the metaphorical flexible Willow tree bends with the breeze, and gently returns to it’s normal grandeur when the wind stops.

As people in general, we are not all brilliant at sharing… Our feelings as well as other things.

The two pensioners chatting in the doctor’s waiting room; “Hello George, How are you today?”    “I’m fine! Couldn’t be better!”   Now if that were truly the case ‘Neither’ of them would be there waiting to see the doctor!

So… For the next week… Let’s be honest with ourselves when we aren’t feeling okay. Let’s go easy on ourselves. Let’s forgive ourselves… Let’s not be afraid to get things wrong sometimes, and not immerse ourselves in a cloud of guilt.

Don’t forget, We are good people trying to function in a very unforgiving world. A world of people that blame others in a futile attempt to feel better about themselves… Such is the human condition. We are very fragile, so let’s be gentle with ourselves and our feelings.

Check out ‘Desiderata’ by Les Crane on Youtube. Listen to it twice through. And I’ll be here next week, at the same time;

Friday 17/10/23 at about 6pm. And now, in the words of Kent Walton who used to introduce the Saturday evening in the 1960’s TV wrestling programme, ‘Have a good week til next week.’

Wannabe

P.S. A good book to check out too; ‘Feeling good, The new mood therapy’ By David D Burns MD, available on Amazon.