Thank you – it’s actually really moving that you’ve said what you have as I have so few people in my life who care. I don’t mean that in a self-pitying way: it’s just the way it is. A friend of mine said to me once I “had a great gift for friendship” which is ironic as I have so few friends now! Before I was 23 I definitely had OCD – issues with smells, numbers and so on – but when it really kicked in boy did it kick in. Just like you I bought all the books – no internet then or even mobile phones – available by ordering them from a shop in North Wales. Part of the reason I have few friends is I don’t drink – horrendous anxiety at work, work functions and social situations led to a very serious drink problem which nearly killed me (I have alcohol-related liver disease: cirrhosis) in 2018 – so don’t go in pubs. Most of the people I thought were friends were/are very heavy drinkers and I don’t see them now and don’t want to – they probably feel the same way. Also I found it’s very difficult to explain how the mind is working without it being misinterpreted if that makes sense? I remember while in a state telling a fellow student at Nottingham Trent University about it and he – a friend I thought – went round telling people I was a “psycho”. I knew and know I’m not just like I knew and know the thoughts I have are not representative of me but I was very hurt. I’ve gone from being relatively open and trusting to pretty defensive and closed up. It doesn’t help I’ve had some terrible experiences with extremely ignorant mental health workers over the years too. I do believe people with OCD – even chronic, extremely debilitating, long-term OCD – can improve if they get the right treatment with the right therapist. It’s easy – and common I’d imagine – for sufferers to blame themselves and feel they’ve somehow “failed” because they’ve not benefitted from therapy (or medication) when the fault is with someone else or nobody at all.
