I suffer harm ocd. Today I finished bathing my dogs and went to pick up the scissors after giving them a haircut.
As I picked them up I was facing the window that directly looks into their house next door. But I had blinds up. However there's a small gap the blinds don't fully close.
So I picked up the scissors and stood there with them for like a minute or so holding them up as if it was directed at the neighbours like I was wanting to hurt them. I stood there just having them pointed near the window but I'm hoping they didn't see.
This has taken alot of guts to post this and I'm terrified of the answers.
But here it goes...
My childhood was filled with serious sexual harassment and abuse everyday. And by someone close. Thus kinda screwed up my mind for a long time. Even at age 13 and 14 I was still wanting to go along with it and do sexual things with the person who hurt me. I was messed up I guess.
I'm now 27.. I was dignosed with a extreme case of POCD when I was just 14. Pocd is OCD but a fear of being a paedophile.. that is the theme my OCD attactches itself to.
I've been going really well now for about 3 years since my last OCD relapse then I'm still recovering from. However I was watching tv and remembered something I did while I had really bad ocd at the time.
It was a memory. I remember holding one of my sisters babys for the first time and I kept saying to myself "dont move your fingers anywere near it private areas" but the more I told myself that the more my icd convinced me I wanted to and that I was someone who liked this type of thing :/
Im not sure if this helps but i had a fear long ago whe i had bad ocd that id done something really bad to two kids. Even when my ocd had settled down i still believed it for many years.
Onky now years later im thinking it may not have even happend. Im hoping it didnt anyhow.
Ive had sone really sexual stuff happen to me aswell when i was a kid. I often think back and worry myself sick and think im a monster. But youre not alone. I dont if its wrong or right since i have ocd to and unable to know.