Hi all let me give you some background. About a year and a half ago I got really drunk and ended up having sex with a guy while pretty much blacked out (although I do remember small bits and pieces of it). This freaked me out a lot and I got really worried about hiv. I ended up getting all my tests everything was fine. Since then whenever I get drunk where I am missing parts of the night I automatically assume I've hooked up with someone and have possibly gotten hiv. This has happened about 3 times since then. My most recent was last week.
Being afraid to be alone makes sense. I personally don't hang around friends all the time, but when I do I usually feel more calm because my brain is thinking about other stuff and not intrusive thoughts. It must be hard not being able to be happy alone..