Sometimes I worry about getting aroused while (innocently) hugging girls, I try to make sure I don't. Now I'm worried as I got a hug off a platonic friend (who I'm not completely sure I don't have feelings for), as usual I was nervous about feeling something "down there" and for a sec my mind was like "just let it happen". For a sec I felt a tingling, for want of a better word, not sure if actual arousal and am afraid I enjoyed it, and that if I did it was inappropriate sexual contact. (Not that I touched anything sexual, but that I got a feeling off the hug). Don't know what to do
So I was flicking looking for pics of an actress I found attractive (already a bit aroused). I saw a link for a story about her in a bikini, I clicked. However the pic had her holding her baby, the silhouette of which was the first thing I saw and think I mistook it for the actress for a second and was aroused by that (assuming it was the actress). I feel sick and disgusted. I would never willingly look for such a thing. Feel like I am forever tainted now.
So Ive been to CBT and it really has helped. But last week has been horrible. I had/tried to have some normal/age appropriate fantasies and yet sometimes really bad images came into my head, both confusing and upsetting, I cant understand why they would come into my head (sometimes I was dreary/half asleep, but still awake).
The fact that you are posting here and so concerned suggests you're a good person. OCD and the mind can be tricky when it comes to false sense of attraction. Believe I've suffered there! You're clearly a good person so stop punishing yourself and enjoy life.
I think that's part of OCD, wanting to be perfect but never being so. Which nobody is or can be. Do your best, thoughts done define you. I can certainly relate but now I try tell myself that's just OCD talking.