Recently, and I'm realizing many years before too, I feel like I am obsessing with "ghost" activities. I don't know if it falls under the OCD kind of thoight process, I didn't have the chance to talk to my therapist about it yet.
First of all, I think I can declare that HOCD is under control. I gained my attraction to boys back, it feels amazing, but also troubles me as I am in a loving relationship and I can't seem to stop checking out and flirting with only the eyes and smile. Anyway, that's a problem for another day.
But. In the end of this, I was anxious about "what if I don't develop another them after this and that proves that it's not HOCD, that it is true." Which is completely dumb and stupid...
For the first time, this post isn't about my HOCD, but just my general mental pain.
I feel just conpletely lost, like I have no where to go. For years, I've been thinking everyday that I should take the train and leave everything behind. Because that's better than suicide, but I don't want to keep on living, because I know these thoughts will sill be alive.
Hello! I have been triggered in the past by this, and honestly... I'm sure if you watch the ratio of each of your straight friends, some will have the gay ratio. I doesn't mean anything! And depending on the way your finger are placed, the ratio changes.
I strongly associated with what you are feeling. One thing I learned the hard way is: do not look up gay forums or coming out stories. Most of them aren't afflicted by anxiety or OCD so therefore: THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND. THEY REALLY DON'T.