So my anxiety has gone and now when I see kids with certain characteristics I get a realistic enjoyable fluttery arousal/attraction feeling which is very hard to distinguish from the same feeling for adults. This lasts for a few seconds and feels normal, like an urge, but then I realise what I am thinking about, start strongly fighting that feeling while my body is still like forcing me to feel it. Like, I need to think about it longer to make it stop. I successfully fight the urge to ruminate and keep telling myself it is not real but sometimes it is easier said than done.
So I had POCD there is no doubt and I no longer worry about that. But I wanna know if this is normal: I am 18 have normal attraction to mature looking women but attraction is stronger towards girls younger than me that have "babylike" features, in a way that you can see she is not a kid but she reminds you of one, eg. little baby hands, round face, small etc. and I find that adorable and like it, but not in a sexual way. I don't find these characteristics attractive in real kids nor do I have any attraction to them. Is this wrong or I am worried about nothing?
OCD has a way of twisting your thoughts and feelings. If you weren't attracted to kids before, you never will be, no matter how real those thoughts feel. Also, arousal means nothing, it is an automatic body response. Losing anxiety means you are closer to recovery. Stay strong my friend!