Having a hard time atm. I have intrusive thoughts of 'what If' I've done something bad or harmed someone in the past. I can't remember doing anything wrong but the anxiety and images in my head keep tormenting me.
I know I'm supposed to sit with it and not react but when I try this I think does this mean I'm a bad person who doesn't give a toss. I am so worn out with this disorder. I just want to be able to trust my own mind.
I have recently been experiencing thoughts/images of myself doing things I would not do suddenly popping into my mind out of nowhere. I have no actual memory of doing these things but then I think what if they did happen and I just can't remember it. I think do these images pop up because they are true even though I know they are not. I then get into the whole needing certainty loop. How do i respond to this and does anyone else get anything similar?
So I'm having a bad spell atm. I have a long history of OCD which has taken many themes over the years. All of my obsessions involve harm of some sort, be it running someone over in the car, physically hurting someone and more recently harm of a sexual nature.
For the last 2-3 weeks I have had a feeling of intense anxiety constantly and the intrusive thought of 'what If I've harmed someone in the past but dont remember it's.
This then causes me to ruminate over the past checking my memory over and over which I know is the wrong thing to do.
Your post sounds the same as me. I am terrified of hurting children or old people . I also ruminate over the past and when I can't remember things exactly my anxiety skyrockets.
My husband told me once to remember a car accident I had when another person drove into me.
I think it sounds very much like OCD. Are you aware of how irrational your thoughts are?
Most people with OCD realise their thoughts are irrational even though they feel so real and scary.
It's the anxiety that is the problem.