Pretty sure this is ocd. When I was a very niave 13 or 14 I watched incest porn and had lots of fantasies as a result. Most am pretty ashamed of, some I can just dismiss as a teenage brain. Ones that I find hard to get past of one's about kids younger than me, maybe 9 doing stuff with their parents. I feel so disgusted with myself. Every time I see a child about 13 my mind tries to make me check to see if the age gap is that great, sometimes I can think "oh the ages aren't that bad" sometimes I feel overwhelming guilt.
I am getting recurring thoughts and guilt about fantasies I had when I was 13 or 14 about an 8 year old doing something pervy with his mum. I had watched incest porn and my mind went there. I am now 41 and I can't get this bloody guilt out of my system.
My children are growing the near the age I was and I can't help looking at 14 yr olds and imaging them thinking the same thing and whether that is acceptable or not. Been dealing with this one for a while.
Right I am getting better at talking back to my anxious brain.. I've found saying "great thought Barbara" - my name for my ocd/anxiety helpful.
I have had many triggers over the years since I had my first child. It seems like my brain has run out of new ones and keeps returning to the same old guilt that sent me spiralling years ago. I am working engaging and mostly better. I still feel exhausted and have a guilt tinge to my day. I feel irritable am happiest when I am exhausting myself running about but do relax and read books.
This sounds similar to my post.. struggling.
Past event, worry about sexually inappropriate thoughts/behaviour as an adolescent. I feel your pain.
Although I can't seem to sort out my own head I wouldnt worry about this. I did have a similar worry a few years back but that faded after time.
This is exactly what I have and your post makes me feel less alone.
It's awful. I have had this before and came off medication after feeling so much better. Then it came back.. hate it but you aren't alone