What If I Take Even Worse Drugs? OCD

[Anon35Participant]

Hello,

I have never been a person who has taken drugs, such as cocaine, exstasy, meth, any of those things, I’ve only ever really taken marijuana.  Haven’t done so for nearly 20 years, makes me paranoid.

I do take co codamol for muscle pain, and general tension I get all the time from my stress levels, I take it safe amounts when I need too.

I had a conversation with a friend and said ” If I was in hospital with a severe injury I think I’d outright refuse any morphine, simple because I know how powerful it could be, and I’d worry I’d like it too much.  I would like it, if would numb that pain, and obviously afterwards I wouldn’t get it, but I wouldn’t want to feel that feeling.  I actively monitor my drinking, safe amounts of medication, and really don’t do anything else other than that.

I get these thoughts that say ” One day you will go seeking oxycodobe, Xanax, then after that you will seek heroin, then after that you will lose your family.   I keep telling myself I am aware of the damage and have a quote rigourous plan I stick too.  I have never been one to get full out insane on drinking and I hate feeling out of it though the day anyway, I hate the feeling of not having some form of daily routine and being tired, on drugs wouldn’t suit that.

Still the thoughts in my head like, just try it, one day you will anyway so don’t pretend you won’t.  My mother in law takes tramadol and I seen the box and thought wow I should ask for some, tramadol I’ve heard that is strong stuff, just ask, then I said well why would I want to do that?  It will risk leading to problems so let’s ignore that thought, accept the curiosity and move on, so now I have said I wouldn’t accept anyone offering me that, even if my pain was so extreme I just couldnt cope and there was no other option, but I believe I don’t have any pain to ever justify that.  But sometimes I do get really crappy muscle aches and it’s solely related to my anxiety.

Please, these thoughts are scary, I know I’ve done well to acknowledge when problems can arise and all Id like to say to myself is, well just cut back and maybe not take co codamol as often, and see how that goes.  That’s an action plan.

My dad, 65, drinks every day, on so many different drugs, also steroids, and really doesn’t care, but I can’t imagine him ever having thoughts like this.  What if one day I decide to go stronger than co codamol because he gets those too?

I mean he was smoking marijuana for a while but stopped cause he said he went paranoid and felt like he was popping his pants, which is exactly why I don’t ever do it.  It makes me feel like I’ve pooed.

Thanks,

[Forum Moderators]

Forum moderators here:

Thanks for posting on the forums; we understand you’re having a difficult time coping with your thoughts. We’re sorry you haven’t had many replies yet. Please don’t take this personally or ever think you’re alone. It may be that forum users are taking a bit of time to consider how to reply.

And please remember that you can also contact the OCD Action Help and Information Line to talk to or email someone who understands OCD.

Our Helpline volunteers provide confidential and unbiased help, information and support for people with OCD (or who  think they may have OCD). Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD and all understand how it can impact your entire life. Contact our Helpline by:

• phone: 0300 636 5478 (UK number).
• email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

You can also find out about support groups on our website. These offer a safe place where you can talk openly about OCD and support other people too. Our information about UK-based groups can be found here:

• Local independent support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/local-support/
• OCD Action Skype/Phone/Zoom support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/ocd-action-skype-phone-zoom-support-groups/

If you don’t live in the UK,  look for groups near you on the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) website. Look in the section “Find Help” and then under “Listing Types”, choose “Support Groups”: https://iocdf.org/

And please remember that you’re never alone – OCD Action is always here to help and support you.

Best wishes,

Forum Moderators

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