TOCD or gender Dysphoria… Everyone says I am wrong! ***TRIGGERS***

[BobbyjamesParticipant]

Hi everyone, it’s been 2 years now that the obsession about being transgender has started, I don’t even know who or what I am anymore at this point.

I have convinced myself that I was dysphoric, and nothing or no one can convince me of the opposite.

I have in the past self conditioned myself in having other “conditions”: ADHD, psychosis, being poisoned, insomniac (didn’t sleep for 3 years), child mol*****, chronic sinusitis, being gay, and the list goes on… I even managed every single time to convince professionals that I had those things !

None of them appeared to be true in the end. One day I wake up with the thoughts that I was a woman and not a man: I always felt super proud of being a guy, had only male role models, I mean anything you could picture as being a guy, very manly tattoos, always frustrated that my beard wasn’t enough, etc…

But I am here, 2 years later, convinced that this isn’t OCD or isn’t anymore, and that I am transgender. It started with thoughts of being a cashier, then of wanting to be pregnant, then I started to feel “weaker” strenght-wise, started to feel uncomfy with my body that I used to love so much, but my brain always found news ways to convince me of it being true…

Now I can’t stop thinking about it even for 1 second, I think like a woman, but externally in my behavior I have nothing like one. I would be the most manly woman ever: in the way I speak, the way I move, the way I write.

But still I believe that I have to transition, while everyone around me that know me since my birth or even for few months can’t believe it. My girlfriend is suffering a lot because of me, and she wants to end things which I fully understand.

I know some people claim that TOCD wouldn’t exist, but how to explain the other obsessions I had before? If it’s not OCD, why don’t I have another obsession at the same time? How to explain that I’ve always been the total opposite of being feminine, and how did I love male fashion more than most people I know. My brain keeps reminding me that’s because I didn’t want to accept it, but I never had signs before in my 33 years of existence.

I also know that some people couldn’t stand those thoughts anymore and transitioned, to then start understanding that it was their OCD talking and de-transitioned! I am at a breaking point…

I was a complete person before all this, really… It’s like if my brain did a 180 U-Turn: everything I used to love, it’s the opposite now, and vice-versa…

I have been diagnosed with OCD but even that I doubt. It’s like if I want to believe that I am transgender.

I am stuck and lost, and if it is somehow true, I would have preferred for this to happen at a much younger age… Thanks for listening to me…

[wannabefreeParticipant]

Hi there, I guess the biggest battle for anyone, is knowing how to accept the way they are, right now… The way we are…  We are all different… Just as well really… If everyone was the same life would be incredibly boring…The world would be a lot of people walking around, with little or no purpose…  I don’t know what your situation is, but simply find a way of accepting the situation, without worrying too much about it, and simply wait and see… Listen to favourite music, while listening to positive affirmations… There are some good ones on youtube. Literally, you don’t have to decide right now… Just wait and see how things pan out…  I believe we are all here for a reason, maybe to live out a certain lifestyle, so we can in turn be there for others around us…  The important thing, is to be your own best friend… Just as you would, a friend or colleague who describes the way you see life at the mo… Acceptance is not easy, but I would say that it is easier than any other way…

I hope this helps you to eventually make sense of things…

Wannabe

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