Hey fellow OCDers,
Not sure really what to type here so I’m just gonna let things flow as best I can.
For a long time I feel I’ve had OVD behaviours, recently confirmed by a specialist as I ruminate in my mind and check and doubt myself etc. Specifically OCD is my area of worry and doubt! It’s caused me a lot of pain, hurt and issues over the last decade. I feel I’m constantly looking for an answer I’ll never find.
Anyways, I’ve been in a long term relationship for a good number of years and have recently moved in with my gf just under a year ago. Prior to buying the place during Covid etc. I’ll admit I had my doubts whether I was happy and if it was what I wanted etc. Since moving in, it’s gotten a lot worse and I feel like I’m not happy, I don’t find her attractive etc and I have lost all interest in her. Now I’m aware the issues lie with myself and I do love and care for this girl and want her to be happy. She’s always been there for me and she is truly wonderful, I just don’t have that spark anymore and I can’t see it coming back, I don’t really look forward to doing much with her or much in general if I’m honest as I have sufffered with depression as well.
I feel I’ve tried for the last few months to be better and more involved but I’m genuinely just feeling uninterested.
I fear that if I speak about my mind and what’s going on it’ll all blow up and it’ll end and that somewhere along the line I’ll feel I’ve made a massive mistake and I should’ve persisted. However, I feel lost, I don’t feel myself at all and feel taking time to find myself in the next few years may be of great benefit to me… I also want her to be able to get married and start a family like she wants, she’d like that sooner than myself and I don’t see it in my immediate future at all and a lady’s time is limited for this – I feel I’m leaning towards being the better person and freeing her so she can be happy and lead a life she’ll be happier with.
Any ideas guys? Apologies for the long post and please any questions let me know – I’d really like to vent about this and gain some perspectives! Thanks
