Real event OCD? Or am I a physopath

[cg123Participant]

I recently got left my ex girlfriend, I  thought we loved each other and had a real chance, I bombarded her with essay messages, about how I loved her/ please don’t shut me out of your life ect, flowers and tried to call once or twice, and wrote her a letter, nothing bad but kept appologising and asking her to be friends she kept saying we needed space, I wouldn’t stop. Kept going for 3.5 weeks, she was getting more and more annoyed, sent her a message/ essay every 3 days or so. They were very repetative.

Everytime she spoke about the relationship she said she doesn’t want to talk about this for now, I clung onto the “for now” part and kept trying.

I got sucked into a win your ex back website and thought I was doing the right thing.

I sent her a message thinking I was blocked as I asked her to, and she wouldn’t receive it as I just wanted to feel close to her, with some ed Sheeran lyrics, and how I missed her ect, and that I believe our hearts will find our way back to eachother, her dad contacted me 30mins later and said there would be legal proceedings if I didn’t stop. I’ve completely stopped now, and feel absolutely awful about causing her grief.

The messages were never bad threatening or abusive, they were mostly saying times I remember, how I miss her love her and appologising for everything. Old photos of us ect. And how I was working on myself to be a better person, she said regardless of the face she loves me im not in a position to give her what she wants/expects from a relationship right now, I wish I had that time.

I was very hurt and got emotional, I regret saying about how Iooked after her when she was down, and I feel abandoned, she said I was using manipulation. I really wasn’t trying to and I feel awful I think I was just hurt.

Due to the threat of legal proceedings I’m terrified I’m a abuser manipulator and narrisist, or I’m struggling with real even OCD I’m not sure. I was planning on suicide as I don’t see a way to fix or forgive myself, and have been in and out of a crisis center/ Samaritans since the split as I hate myself for hurting her and being disrespectful to her wishes.

Or if there is something else wrong with me.

I had a complete mental breakdown after she left me and did not take it well at all, and a lot of other problems with my life building for months dipression anxiety. I told her what I was going through not to get her to feel bad for me but to show her that I was fixing it, and she was my bestfriend for almost 3 years. Im in part of a crisis team but don’t feel like a deserve to be happy or get better or the help I’m getting because of the grief I caused her. The part I regret most is lossing a possible friendship with one of the best people I’ve ever met.

Before I received the message from her dad I sent a appolgie letter trying to explain myself 1st class and I’m terrified it’s not arrived yet will arrive late and that will breach what her dad asked, I sent him a text explaining but got nothing back.

I never wanted to be in position or a bad person. I think I have some abandonment issues, and I’m scared I’m making up OCD as an excuse for my awful behaviour, my current therapist suspects I have abandonment issues and possibly BPD traits, I’ve struggled with pure o for years. I feel so guilty and don’t know if what to do

[Forum Moderators]

Hello:

We’d like to help as it sounds as if you’re having a difficult time coping with OCD – we’re concerned that you mention having had thoughts of suicide. If you feel that way again, please remember you can call the Samaritans, who are always there to support you.

Contact the Samaritans by:

• phone 116 123
• email: jo@samaritans.org

You can also talk to (or email) our OCD Action Helpline about what you’re going through. Our Helpline provides confidential support for people with OCD. Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand how it can impact your entire life. Contact our Helpline by:

• phone: 0300 636 5478
• email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

Just please remember you’re never alone; our forum members and OCD Action are here to support you.

Forum Moderators

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