I’m desperate for help. I keep getting terrible urges to cause harm. It’s destroying my life. I’m terrified of going to prison. The worst part is I only get them when I’m angry, my head then convinces me that I want to do these things and I’m frightened I will as I feel less in control when I’m upset. I’ve got a lot going on with my health at the moment and also have health anxiety. It’s all getting too much. I’ve started locking myself in my house. I’ve tried telling myself that these thoughts are not me but it’s become a compulsion as now I think that is keeping me safe. If I repeatedly tell myself it’s not me then I know I won’t do anything bad. But this happens 1000s times a day and I can’t keep it up, then I get tired and exhausted and start getting angry which only makes it worse. If I don’t repeatedly tell myself these thoughts are not me then I’m scared i’ll act on them. Last night I felt like I was going to snap I lost control of my thoughts and just agreed with what it was telling me. I’ve sat here all day waiting for the police to knock on my door. I’ve had therapy and I’ve been told Its okay to have these thoughts. But my thoughts tell me do things on loop and then i end up just saying okay yea do it, because it won’t stop. Surely I’m a bad person, surely it’s not okay to tell myself to do these things. Someone please help me!
