I am now at a place where my ocd fears are so much easier to manage since doing ERP and am on the right medication. I had been feeling so much happier,but now<i> </i>I am constantly thinking about how I was 30 years ago ,before knowing that I had ocd. I feel so guilty of all the things I did for reassurance which I now know were testing or checking compulsions. I ended up having a mental breakdown and I worry as some of the horrible compulsions involved my children although I know they do not remember any of this and were not even aware of it,
I never ever harmed them or anyone else though as my checking and testing things were all to prevent harm, as some of the horrible compulsions involved them I am getting into a bit of a state over this. I find myself wanting to tell them everything about the things I did , but as they dont remember I feel it would be unfair as it obviously had no impact on them, and it would probably me just to make myself feel a bit better, is this just another kind of compulsion? i Am I thinking too much into this as I myself was so traumitised at the time. I really feel if I hadnt have done those testing and checking things I may not have been here now.
Please help me if you can as I have been so happy that I am now managing my ocd , and my children are now happy adults with their own little families , they are my world and always have been , I have had this horrible thing for almost 60 years and want to put it behind me but this latest thing is getting me down.
