My trans ocd is affecting how I view attraction. Today I was scrolling through photos of some guys I found attractive but then I started getting thoughts saying “what if it’s not an attraction you’re feeling, and instead you want to BE those men?” So then I started testing myself with those thoughts and the pictures and I don’t know what I felt but now I’m afraid that I may have wanted to be a guy just by thinking those men were attractive. I don’t want to be a guy, I want to be WITH a guy but then my mind says “so what if you’re a closeted gay trans man?” and then I don’t know what to do or think. I feel nice being a girl but it’s like my mind is causing me to doubt myself and convince me that I somehow want to be a man when deep down that’s not what I want.
