My partner has OCD

[anonymous]

Hi,

I’m wondering if anyone has some factual advice for me on the questions asked or anything that has helped them personally. Me and my partner have been living with eachother for a year. We got together at the end of last year and moved in together not long after, so as you can imagine it has been stressful at times.

She has been living with OCD for almost 20 years now, when I moved in with her she was doing well with it, and even though I was pushing her OCD boundaries (unbeknownst to me) she could deal with it well she even said “it’s worth the risk” which kind of gets to me now as it means is it not worth it anymore? But anyway, since the pandemic it has got worse understably.
Her ocd is linked to the fear of warts currently (as you know it can change, it used to be coldsores but she managed that and it went onto the next). And honestly with my own problems too I’m less patient than I was before, which I know doesn’t help! I do try to acknowledge all the little things that are big to her and tell her she’s doing well btt sometimes it’s hard and it gets too much for me.

I know what I’m supposed to do in some ways not reassure her but say I’m there for her (which I had no idea about at first and admittedly I’d reassure her, but I never do it now unless she’s having a major panic, which maybe I shouldn’t?!)

She is worried about my best friend that she has a wart, she doesn’t have a wart it’s a skin tag! She to some extent believes this, but her ocd is telling her to fear her she can be around her but no contact for me or her!

For the last 9 months I’ve been encouraging her to get therapy she’s tried emdr before which helped but its costly. In my opinion she can afford it and it’s important! She’s promised she will do it this week. I’ve explained that if she isn’t willing to get help it will strain on our relationship, I just want her to be willing to help herself.

But my questions are:
How do I deal when she’s having a bad time with her OCD and she’s constantly asking me questions and being almost manipulative?

How do I deal with her issues with my friend? (obviously when things go back to normal) we might be moving away and I’d like her to visit form time to time, I’d like to see my friends withought her asking me if I’ve hugged her when I get home and can I have a full shower and wash my clothes (pre lockdown) . And even then sometimes she has a problem with them. She knows I used to live with her therefore all my clothes have been in contact with her but as you know OCD does not make any sense! I don’t want it to come between me and my Social life.

Am I making to many compromises with things?
E.g. She always does the washing and it has to go in order, I have to wash my hands if she tells me to etc you probably know the drill

Do I stop doing things that she doesn’t like because of the ocd? If not how do I get around it? Because she makes me feel bad, like I don’t care because its making her scared and “why do you not want me to feel safe?”

How do I be more patient when I’m having my own struggles?

All this aside we are actually doing well relationship wise but the ocd can be so hard sometimes.

I’d really appreciate the help! I know it’s an essay! There’s a lot to say.

(Transferred by Moderator)

[Forum Moderators]

Hi

We want you to know that you can also contact the OCD Action Helpline and Email Service to talk to or email someone who understands OCD.

Our Helpline volunteers provide confidential and unbiased help, information and support for people with OCD (and their family members too). Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand OCD and how it can impact a family’s life.

Contact our Helpline by:

• phone: 0300 636 5478 (this is a UK number).
• email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

You can also find out about support groups on our website – these are open to people with OCD and some involve family members too. They offer a safe place where you can talk openly about OCD and support and encourage other people too. Our information about UK-based groups can be found here:

• Local independent support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/local-support/
• OCD Action Skype/Phone/Zoom support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/ocd-action-skype-phone-zoom-support-groups/

If you don’t live in the UK, you can look for groups near you on the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) website. Look in the section “Find Help” and then under “Listing Types”, choose “Support Groups”: https://iocdf.org/

And please remember that you’re never alone – OCD Action is always here to help and support you.

Regards,

Forum Moderators

[Forum Moderators]

Hi:

Forum Moderators here – just checking in, as it’s been a while since we replied to your topic.

We want to be sure you know that, in addition to contacting the OCD Action Helpline and Email Service, you can visit our website’s Resources page: https://ocdaction.org.uk/resources/

You’ll find lots of helpful web-based resources on topics such as:

• An introduction to OCD
• Assessment and Diagnosis
• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy with Exposure and Response Prevention
• Funding specialist treatment
• Getting a Yes from the NHS
• Good Quality CBT with ERP
• Making the Most of Therapy
• Medication for OCD
• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
• Preparing for a GP Appointment
• Primary Care for Adults
• Reassurance seeking
• Secondary Care for Adult
• Support for Families and Carers
• Treatment Options
• Treatments Not Recommended for OCD
• What to Look for in a Therapist
• Your Journey through the NHS

We hope you find this helpful!

Forum Moderators

[Author]

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