My adult daughter

[Woosehill05Participant]

Hi, my adult daughter has had diagnosed OCD for a year and a half now, it is mainly Pure O so morality and fears about being a predator.  She knows she has OCD and is on medication – she did three months of therapy with an OCD therapist when it all began but she had to stop as it was too much and she was focusing on her A levels – she is now at uni (she is pretty high functioning) but it continues to have a daily impact on her.  I (mum) am heavily involved in reassurance and I know that this is a real problem.  Right now, she is refusing to go to therapy and get better (until she fixes A,B,C,D etc) – and so it seems the only way to get her to acknowledge she needs formalised help is for me to withdraw reassurance.

But, I don’t know how to go about this and am looking for advice.  Is this a plan agreed with her?  She is very, very stubborn and every time I mention therapy or external help, she gets very cross.

Any advice gratefully received.

[bethmg123Participant]

Hi, I have just read this post and it has really pulled at my heartstrings. Your daughter sounds like me. Everything you described was like reading something my own mum could have written when I was 18, right down to the content of your daughter’s thoughts. My OCD seemed to really kick off around my A levels and really came to ahead when I was waiting for my results. I, like your daughter, spent hours seeking reassurance from my mum, dad and friends. I even found myself using my counselling sessions as another outlet to seek reassurance and to make sure I wasn’t a ‘bad person’.

I am 30 now and I finally feel ready to stop seeking reassurance hence why I have joined this forum. I have started CBT again as of last week and I am feeling more determined than ever. I read a book during lock down and for some reason it just clicked. I don’t know if your daughter is the same but, when I was 18 and all through my 20’s I didn’t really BELIEVE in CBT. I didn’t believe in refraining from confessing. I didn’t believe in carrying out the excersizes set out for me in my counselling sessions. I think I thought that, if I just confessed everything to the relevant people I wouldn’t have anything to feel guilty about or worry about any more. I no know that this is exactly what fed my OCD and I finally see how I was making the old stronger.

I don’t really know if this response to your post can help you in any way but I just really wanted to tell you that, I HAVE battled with OCD (purely thoughts) most days of my life. It has got easier (some blips during covid) as ive got older. I understand it more. Some days better than others but please also know that I have also lived a really fun and happy life and im sure your daughter will too. She will get there! I feel like I can say this to you because you have posted on this forum which means she has a supportive parent willing to help her. My parents are the same and I couldn’t have got through those early years (a level etc and diagnosis of OCD) without them.

Last thing I wanted to say, I have read some brilliant books recently and they have been more helpful to me than any therapy! She is studying at the moment so it may not be the right time but when she is ready they might be helpful for her!

Feel free to message me for recommendations 🙂

[Forum Moderators]

Forum moderators here:

We just want you to know that we have a post on the forum called “Carers: OCD Action is here to help”: https://ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/carers-ocd-action-is-here-to-help/

It explains that the OCD Action website has dedicated resources for carers of people with OCD and we hope it will help you.

You can also contact the OCD Action Helpline and Email Service to talk to or email someone who understands OCD.

Our Helpline volunteers provide confidential information and support for people with OCD (and their families, friends and carers too). Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand OCD and how it can impact the lives of family, members, friends and carers. Contact our Helpline by:

– phone: 0300 636 5478
– email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

Best Wishes,

Forum Moderators

[jenniper1202Participant]

I don’t have advice for the OP, but it resonates with me as a spouse of someone with OCD who seeks constant reassurance and thinks it’s cruel if I don’t participate. I’m wondering what are some of the books that helped? I feel like he doesn’t believe/understand that I’m doing this to help, not hurt him. If there’s a list of resources I could share with him and read myself, I’d appreciate it. He’s not open to professional treatment of any sort right now so this is all I’ve got. Thank you.

[Author]

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