I cant get over this…..

[Lou71Participant]

Hi there. I had an intrusive thought a few years ago that when I was asleep in the same bed as my neice (5 years prior) that what if [comment: edited by Moderators] when I was asleep? I told two elderly friends who were actually the grandparents. They said they worried like that when they looked after a friends daughter. They also looked up all about OCD and helped me get over it. I was free of this obsession until aboit 2 months ago when they fell out with me because of my views on Covid. I have been doing ERP for about 3 or 4 weeks but yesterday decided to pay them a visit as I have had my jabs now. I took flowers. The lady answered the door and her husband was in the bath….she never invited me in. I felt compelled to ask her if it was because of my OCD and intrusive thoughts I had had in the past why they didnt speak to me although her husband made it pretty clear when they spoke to me 2 months previous that he was fed up with my attitude to Covid. Anyway…this lady said…OCD….no…. She was a bit confused and even said she might have OCD…..I do believe she has dementia as she is not the kind person I knew and seems to get confused…..I am ashamed to say I must have asked her about 4 times about my OCD for reassurance. I am trying to sit with the anxiety today and not go over the conversation we had…..I know reassurance is bad for OCD and I wish I had never asked for it but I was so anxious yesterday. It has made me even worse today……

I have never thought of them as hating me because I had OCD as they were so supportive at the time. It is just now 2 years later that I have this thought. I am trying not to go over conversations in my head from the past but am finding it very hard. I really dont want to start analysing the conversation I had with her yesterday. She seemed agitated and said I should go before her husband got out of the bath. I asked her again why they were being like this and she said oh he will tell you but he hasnt. She said it was about all of the stuff lately with injections etc. I feel like my mind is going to explode and that I have done something terrible….I keep having to make sure they knew they were thoughts I had all those years ago…..I never had to before…..I probably never stopped talking about it years ago to them like I do to my friends now. Why do I keep questioning if they think my OCD thoughts were real or not? She said she didnt realise how much i was suffering when she read up about it. She did everything right to help me but the OCD has turned it on its head. I HATE this disorder. Please can someone relate? I am still doing ERP but do you have any recommendations for the conversation I had yesterday and that her husband didnt want to see me? He was pretty angry when he told me about covid and my views….although I do think I am entitled to think what I want to. I am so very very upset over this and the OCD is killing me. Please help. Thanks

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