Hopes and fears

[wannabefreeParticipant]

Hi there… The hopes and fears of all the years… Christmas is a focus… Of good memories, and not so good memories… Right back to when we were small children. It is difficult to feel happy all the time… Especially when others are appearing to do so. It is awkward when the TV at Christmas provokes the old emotions from time gone by. We deal with it all one day of the year, then we throw ourselves into looking forward to a warm Summer… Looking hopefully positively toward good times ahead… Ocd presets us to be anxious… Christmas can never be perfect, no matter how hard we try to make it so for our parents… The day is over in a very short time, especially the way things are with the pandemic. It has isolated whole families, and leaves us to worry alone. It’s sure not easy is it? As regards soap… May I ask? Is it because of you, or anyone you have ever known got or had sensitive skin? I ask, cos when I worked in carework, we always had to use non-bio detergents. When my children were small, we used napisan for the nappies (No disposables then…) that was basically bleach. For feeding bottles, it was Milton fluid… Another bleach, that wasn’t rinsed off before making feeds. As far as I know, no one got ill, and it was a recognised standard. Every parent did it. It was better than not doing it. As for today, the number of times I’ve seen a small baby or child throw their dummy on the floor, and the parent simply pick it up, put it in their own mouth to clean it, then give it back to the child. To be honest, I did it! Not just for my own children, but grandchildren too! Mmmm…. It sounds gross, but… It seems to have been okay. Last thought about soap… When my kids were small we had a washing machine called a twin tub. It was really basic, but for the amount of washing we had to do, it was more practical than using different programs and small loads in an automatic. It washed everything well, but to be honest, I’ve no idea whether stuff was rinsed thoroughly enough… But we’ve all survived… That’s enough about soap… I keep picking up my mobile phone without washing hands first… It crosses my mind sometimes… Trouble is, it is made of leather… What could I clean it with? It would take ages to dry out if I got it damp… Thinking about it… Millions of people have mobile phones… In cases… Nobody knows what is on them… Does anyone actually clean them? In all the years before my Ocd took hold, I never bothered… I thought about it this morning… But when it rings I haven’t time to antibac gel it. In fact… No one does… When we go into a supermarket, the instruction is antibac gel onto hands… Not shoes… In case something should get dropped on the floor and need picking up… Just hands… Some get us to use a tissue to wipe over the handle of the trolley… At home, one really wierd thing I actually do do, is when I use the button to put a squirt of antibac gel on my hands, I pause to wipe a bit on the button! As if the next person to touch it won’t be sanitising their hands! I just do it! Mmmm… That’s me I suppose! Lol…  Tomorrow I’ll have to go to the supermarket to get more milk… Just as those without Ocd do…  But I have Ocd… I will need to walk on paths that aren’t perfect… Maybe even drive the car… But tonight… Tonight I will sleep. Yesterday we watched a movie about the Orient express… It is possible today to travel long distance overnight by train. But there is only one toilet per carriage, and no showers…. Just as it was in times gone by. On a plane, there is perhaps two or three toilets for upwards of 200 passengers… How is it that the staff manage to remain so presentable? God bless you for reading.

Wannabe

[Author]

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