Hi,
I consistently worry that I’ve cheated on online tests and assignments (Canvas), even though I never intend to. This includes Googling answers or asking friends. It’s making me nervous, and I’m always waiting for an e-mail or letter. I have “hoarded” other tests I have taken, to make sure that I haven’t cheated, and have kept a Word document to keep track. The last test that I did not “hoard” was 100+ days ago. Even then, I worry that I will get this e-mail or letter at any given time. I have no proof, and I do not remember cheating, but it feels like it has definitely occurred. I also worry about plagiarism, and I’m always checking to see if I’ve copied and pasted a sentence or forgot to cite my sources. This causes me to check and resubmit repeatedly until I’m sure that everything has been done correctly. I recently got 100% on an assignment, but I feel like I don’t deserve it, because I keep worrying that I’ve cheated on it. I’ve been horribly depressed for the past two or three weeks and do the bare minimum, then rush everything at the last minute, and I told myself that I wouldn’t do this. It’s a Sunday and my mum wants me to rest, but I feel terrible and wracked with unfounded guilt, and feel as if I *have* to do the work to somehow “repent” for what I’ve done. Deadlines are drawing near but this worry is debilitating and I can’t find it in myself to get back up and work, when I am always expecting something bad to happen. Does anyone share these troubles, particularly when it comes to university?
For context, I’m a first year at a run-of-the-mill institution studying a STEM subject and have been dealing with OCD and other things for 10 or so years. I’m not being treated for anything at the moment.
Thanks
