Reply To: Wannabefree’s Friday night Blog…

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Good evening Dear friends… Well… What a grueller that was! I’m exhausted.

This week has been a bit of a struggle for me… Family things… Trying to achieve stuff, then knowing how, when I’ve finally achieved stuff, Can I possibly use it for any viable purpose? Why am I only useful when I’m giving money???

We each have ‘Gifts’, ability things that we alone can do well, maybe have always been able to do well… It would be nice if other people would let us ‘share’ those ‘gifts’.
Do you find that, Occasionally, when performing a specific task, someone will watch you, distracting you to make a mistake, and then gleefully pick you up on it?
I get this a lot… Try putting stripes on a lawn when someone stops to watch!!! Don’t they realise what they are doing? Let’s still try to do our best anyway, not that the lawn needs mowing this week…

I’m a full time carer, and part of that involves cooking meals.

How is that those not actually in the kitchen at the time, are suddenly experts to point out what you maybe ‘should’, or ‘Shouldn’t have done? Don’t let them get to you… The dials on the cooker controls are just not going to be that precise… Let alone the actual thermostat… Sometimes things will go slightly amiss.

And teachers who write ‘Not good enough’, in the the margins of written work, and yet omit to let us know when something is just right…cDo you have that? Are we supposed to be psychic?

Some teachers aren’t that good at teaching anyway… We’ve all met them… They may know the subject backwards and upside down, but when it comes to actually passing on that knowledge… They just don’t know how, except to the natural academics in the class.  I sat at the back, and if I plucked up the courage to ask… Would be told with great force that, Everyone else in the class can do it, Why can’t you?

What if nobody else understood it either? As a child, we take on the opinions of others over ours, and then the dreaded self-doubt creeps in. And OCD just loves it when we are feeling doubtful.

I would suggest that, maybe more than a few others in the class also could not understand. Was I being brave, or a fool by putting my hand up and asking? I myself was put up against my siblings… Made to feel that I was thick;”Cack-handed, and such things as ‘Where was I when the brains were handed out?”

Such things are supposed to be outlawed these days… But are they?

And where does the saying ‘Thick as two short planks’ originate?

I guess that, in fact, I know that, my parents would have been brought up within a similar regime.

Nature/nurture debate or not… I was fighting an uphill battle from the word go. I refuse to give in, and so far, I’m definitely winning… Well, Most of the time… Just about… We can do this!!

I see this forum as my chance to give… I have no spare wealth as an old age pensioner, when so much is valued by what it actually costs in monetary terms. But I love the written word… One teacher finally got me to believe in my writing skills, my command of the English language, which is arguably one of the most awkward to learn. (And yet other nations teach it to their pupils as a second language…) . I feel compelled to share… A deep knowledge of being a patient with mental health difficulties, leaning on a totally inadequate system for treatment. Seen as ‘weak’, useless, a failure, just cos I don’t have any degree at all, not even one in birdwatching(!!!!) that would get me a job in the city.

Back to OCD then… It appears to me, that OCD affects those of us in life, that have a tendency towards caring, for others more than ourselves. The fear that, if we don’t give in to a compulsion, someone or something important to us, will come to harm or something like that. But I/We cannot protect everyone… And it certainly isn’t fair to put everyone else first all of the time… And by so doing, putting my/our own needs nowhere. But We do, Don’t we?

In church circles, there is the Acronym ‘J.O.Y.’  It denotes; ‘J’esus first, ‘O’thers second, ‘Y’ourself last. NO!!!!! That is a first class recipe for burnout. Ask any nurse…

It should read; ‘J’esus first, ‘O’urselves second, and then ‘Y’es! Everybody else. Nobody puts you or I first… No one…

So, If we don’t put ourselves somewhere, we eventually will be able to help no one… Not anyone… Thus we get burnout. This a major problem in the NHS, cos they have a lot of staff currently off sick due to stress related conditions…

Let’s be good to ourselves this coming week… Only we ourselves know exactly what we need. Let’s try to keep ourselves strong against whatever form our own OCD takes. And then, by all means, share with others.  I personally would love to work in an animal rescue centre… But it seems that the ‘cuddle’ places have all gone, and they only want volunteers in the charity shops… Money…
But I will keep looking! (Cuddly toys are a great substitute!) A hospital volunteer job sounds like a good idea, but, due to problems with my local public transport, I cannot get both there and back on the same day(!). Mmmmm.

What else is there, I wonder? We are good people…

Until next Friday then 23/02/2024, at about six pm UK time… Right here.

Wannabe