Reply To: I have still got ocd, we will get through this together… thejourney continues

[RosenrotParticipant]

Hi Wannabe,

I had just joined the old forum shortly before they closed it down. You answered my post about my contamination OCD (I am still most afraid of detergents, soap and shampoo residue etc.).

I am glad you seem to be doing quite well and don’t let your fears dictate your day.
I just finished my university exams and OCD hit back real badly. Somehow, I magically seem to summon the power to concentrate during exams, which I am thankful for, as it would be even worse to fail them too because of this disease. But just one day after the last exam, everything went down again.

I started a washing machine after having cleaned my room yesterday. The machine was nearly completely full. Soon I started wondering whether the clothes wouldn’t get clean now anymore as the machine might be too full…getting them clean was especially important to me yesterday as I had worn some of the items to clean the bathroom and had probably spilled some drops of detergent on them accidentally…I managed to take the clothes out and to my room to hang them up to dry but this morning I was still worried. Eventually I decided to wash the clothes again in two separate machines (I live in a student dorm with a laundry room in the cellar), one of them for woollier items, and even started a third machine for my 60 degree clothes. “Unfortunately” my new flatmate had also planned to wash today. Every time I went down to start a machine or take out my clothes, she was also there. That made it hard to concentrate for me as I was already so stressed and always have to check thoroughly if the machine has really finished the program (I use to read out aloud the “Finish” sign on the machine but couldn’t do that then). So I’m still not feeling better as I now worry that somehow the machine had not finished the program although the door probably wouldn’t even have opened if it hadn’t been finished…and I’m mad at my flatmate for distracting me and making it so much worse.
My skin itches and I imagine it’s because my clothes are still full of detergent somehow…I feel like I’m going crazy. So, a bad time for me at the moment unfortunately.

I’m also looking ahead to a Christmas that I will spent alone because I have to move to another dorm in January and can’t do that if I leave the country (due to the quarantine restrictions etc.) I hope I will manage. I was so anxious and stressed throughout the last time that I didn’t get my period at all last month, this has never happened since I first got it. I really fell quite exhausted.

I’ll definitely keep reading your posts. They make me feel a little less alone and it is good to see that there is hope and that improvement is possible.

Best wishes from Scandinavia to you, Rosenrot