Reply To: I am a not a good man
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That’s what I’m trying to tell myself, for give myself a break. What has hurt her is that I was saying it’s a women I know from work who I know fine we’ll I am not attracted too emotionally, her personality is terrible, but she a very open person who talks about being with men and that’s why I think I have had thoughts about her. My wife doesn’t like much intimate talk and I’ve respected that my whole marriage, it’s not just about that and that’s not why I fell in love with her. So I feel like everyone is against me, in a failure and terrified she is going to leave me, I don’t guess she is but if she can’t get the thought out her head of what she read then I would suspect thats not going to be fair on her. I have been so honest and even stated in these worry diaries, it’s thoughts I’d like to challenge, that I am not wanting to always be around, that I am trying to figure out, it’s how I cope, so basically I said I would never write any of those things and down and find other ways to deal with it, but that they are just thoughts that come up now and again. I admitted maybe I think about it alot and I am quite aware of it is all. I am aware of it and have always questioned it, to the point it’s ok to think about fantasies but don’t obsess over it.
Sadly when I’ve got anxiety and what ever else I will at some point get myself obsessed over it and unable to stop thinking of it.
Thats where I am having issues, like I don’t know how I need to be feeling, or if I am in the wrong, or if I need to change, so I just go around and around.
I’m ashamed my family find out, her family too that I have had thoughts about other women’s [content edited by moderators] think it’s nice and I was just battling with myself as to why I’m thinking of this women in that way, and wanting to journal it, so I can figure out whats true and what’s false, and it does work, as I need to have things written down to help me work through it. My brain can’t turn off, so I need to write stuff down