You’re not alone – I’ll reply any time I see a post or comment from you here as I’m sure others will as well. This is a very cruel condition but I know it’s treatable if a sufferer can access the right kind of treatment. I remember the summer I finished university I pretty much spent in my room lay on my bed in tears due to intrusive thoughts then a year later I was in Nottingham starting a masters degree. I swear you can have a life despite this. Obviously the goal is to have as good quality of life as possible.