4 January 2020 - 6:53
I don’t know what’s going on and it’s terrifying me. I’ve been told I have OCD and GAD by my CBT therapist. I’ve had multiple fears over the time of having this disorder and now it seems once I limit my compulsions of one fear another one comes and knocks me to the point of depression I’m now worried I have this disorder PGAD. Why you may ask do I think this? I keep making this stupid noise that sounds pretty inappropriate with my throat mainly, but sometimes when I open my mouth or go to say something the urge to make this noise is overwhelming. I feel pretty awful every time the urge creeps up. It’s usually before I go to bed or when I really think about it. I get short term relief from doing it and then it will creep up again and since PGAD is a arousal disorder I keep checking for just that which is what I use to do when I had fears I was gay and it feels like a groinal response every time I make this noise. I’m so upset and tired of this. I’ve made weird noises in the past usually to calm myself like tongue clicking and stuff when I’m bored. I’m worried I’ll get diagnosed with PGAD and won’t have a proper relationship. On the other hand I worry it could be Tourette’s as I have made noises before and get the urge to do them quite badly, like a tingling in my throat or is it just my anxiety and OCD driving this?
I also believe I have undiagnosed ADHD which can be linked to OCD. I get bored so easily, can’t watch films or tv shows without getting the urge to move around and release energy. I’ve been impulsive with money, careless with crossing roads, no awareness of surroundings, I procrastinate so much, will avoid tasks that need so much effort I even hand it over to someone else if I have no motivation to do it. I never complete my CBT therapy stuff on time and can leave it to the night before my appointment. My homework was the same, I found it difficult to focus and I would get like a bouncy leg if I was sat down for too long, I still get it now. If I move I feel much better. My sleep is a little disrupted right now. I also feel that if I’m in grossed in something I am obsessed with it and focus too much. I get highly distracted by things too. It does concern me. As for the annoying noise when I deep breathe I don’t get it and the urge isn’t as strong but when I think about it and the worst possible outcomes it’s there like a ticking time bomb and is extremely distressing.
Any advice? I’m so concerned.