29 March 2020 - 21:36
Hello everybody. I am a 19 year old girl and I have been suffering from pocd for about 4 months, but lately I feel that it is getting worse ... During the day I alternate moments in which I am totally convinced that I am a pedo and that I would be able to do anything, and moments in which I know I am not. But what worries me are the feelings I have during these moments:
-When I am convinced that I am a pedo, my feelings are almost totally apathetic to the situation, except sometimes when I feel a little anxiety. And it takes me a long time to reassure me because my mind keeps telling me: I don't care if you've never had pedo attitudes in your life, you're just like that, you've already accepted it.
-When I can convince myself that I am not and "find" some peace .. I feel like I have someone behind my head who tells me that I am lying to myself. In all this I start to have strong moments of anxiety in which my head seems to become lighter at every moment and I wonder if I am like this because in reality I want to be a pedo and it scares me. Every day this infinite is an infinite loop ... I have peace only when I sleep. My head is so messed up and confused right now.
Is there any good soul among you who can tell me if it is "normal"? Is it the pocd that makes me feel so crazy?