29 March 2020 - 21:36

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Hello everybody. I am a 19 year old girl and I have been suffering from pocd for about 4 months, but lately I feel that it is getting worse ... During the day I alternate moments in which I am totally convinced that I am a pedo and that I would be able to do anything, and moments in which I know I am not. But what worries me are the feelings I have during these moments:
-When I am convinced that I am a pedo, my feelings are almost totally apathetic to the situation, except sometimes when I feel a little anxiety. And it takes me a long time to reassure me because my mind keeps telling me: I don't care if you've never had pedo attitudes in your life, you're just like that, you've already accepted it.
-When I can convince myself that I am not and "find" some peace .. I feel like I have someone behind my head who tells me that I am lying to myself. In all this I start to have strong moments of anxiety in which my head seems to become lighter at every moment and I wonder if I am like this because in reality I want to be a pedo and it scares me. Every day this infinite is an infinite loop ... I have peace only when I sleep. My head is so messed up and confused right now.
Is there any good soul among you who can tell me if it is "normal"? Is it the pocd that makes me feel so crazy?

This post has been thanked 1 time. 29 March 2020 - 22:28

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Hey, I totally understand your feeling of being worried about this, however it's perfectly "normal" to have these thoughts in your pocd. The "thought pattern" is common for most people with ocd, I can relate to your feelings even though I have another aspect of ocd. Something that works for me in my anxiety or catastrophic thoughts is to just "accept that it is "ONLY" a intrusive thought", it does'nt in anyway make you a pedo for just thinking about it.I'm sure you are a wonderful person and that you deep down know you're not a pedo. I've used the confirmation to myself that it is "just a thought" and accepted that its nothing more the anxiety will wear off, for each time youre doing this your consciousness will understand that this thought is "not harmful" and the anxiety will be lighter and lighter. This is what OCD does to us, its our Amygdala in the brain who is interpreting things wrong and thoughts who is'nt dangerous becomes in our mind dangerous and sparks our bodies with fear. I hope it can help you and that it makes some kind of sense, you can always PM me if you'd like. I got diagnosed with OCD when I was 19yrs aswell so I've gone through something similar, just knowing you're not alone feels better. 

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