POCD

5 August 2020 - 17:37

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Hi.  I sometimes get sexual intrusive thoughts and I started to worry about it and it’s got to the point now where I’m questioning if I’d actually do them things or not and wether I’m attracted to little kids or not.   I feel bad even writing this as I don’t want this to be true.   My ocd is making me believe I’m okay with these thoughts and I don’t know what to believe anymore....someone please help me.    I try to figure out how kids make me feel and most of the time I feel absolutely nothing at all and at other times I worry that I might feel something or think it’s right to do that stuff to children when it isn’t at all.   I’m also feeling like I’m not worried about these thoughts which is making me think I like them to a certain extent but I know that I don’t but it feels like I do.  Someone help me please...is this POCD or am I just a dirty pedophile 

30 September 2020 - 9:17

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My ocd has got a lot worse.  I don’t feel disgusted by these thoughts or by the thought of me being a pedo but I don’t feel sexual attraction (even though as I’m writing this I think the opposite even though it’s not true)  when I don’t want people to know about this I feel like it’s because I don’t want to get caught for being a pedophile but it’s actually because what I’m going through is so awkward and horrible to talk about.    Sometimes I feel nothing,  sometimes I feel something but it’s not sexual attraction...it’s more of a lingering feeling....everyday I get out of bed because there’s a school across the road i get this thought about the school...not going down to the school to watch kids....not any sexual thoughts.....just the school.  I just get a thought about looking at it.    When a kid shows up anywhere my head snaps away from it....but what if I’m not attracted to small children and I’m actually attracted to someone like 5 years younger then me.    Even though when I look at a girl or boy five years younger....I feel nothing.  I don’t feel attraction. I feel a lingering feeeling....not fear....not anxiety......just a weird lingering vibe.    I don’t become disgusted by pedos anymore....I should be but I’m not.   I have the trademarks of ocd......seeking reassurance....overthinking......trying to get a thought out of my head when it pops up.....after I get a thought out of my head I get another feeling that is kind of saying to me....not in words or a voice, but just a feeling.....do you really feel a need to do that. I must have done because I just got that thought out of my head......but what if it’s naturally happening without you doing it.........I’m also into metal music.....but recently it’s been fading and I’m concerned about it because it’s my favourite type of music.....but I read an article that a pedo once listened to it so now I....don’t feel worried about it....again more a feeling.....but I know I’m worried about it or else I wouldn’t be researching....but now whenever I listen to it I get a thought.........this is pedo music...but I don’t feel any need to stop listening which really concerns me. I also got another thought the other day....this is something I’m REALLY worried about......I was playing around with my hair as I have long hair and my hair is very curly but sometimes it forms a tube of hair......when I was playing with that tube of hair In my hand a thought popped into my head..... “that piece of hair is like a little boys d***” this made me stop playing with that piece of hair INSTANTLY.....the reason I play with my hair is unknown to me....wether it’s anxiety or I just like the feeling......so my mind goes at that point “ because you like the feeling of playing with that piece of hair that means you like the feeling of a little boys parts!!!”  Which obviously is not true because all this hair stuff came from an intrusive thought.  I don’t feel disgust, repulsion or anxiety much over this theme anymore but I still get thoughts.... it’s making me feel like I’m fighting who I really am....someone please help me....I want to cry but I can’t....I feel like I should be crying and disgusted by these thoughts and pedophilia in general but I’m not....I want to be disgusted by it...I don’t want attraction to anyone under 16.....it’s destroying me....nothing helps me feel joy anymore.  Please someone help me!

30 September 2020 - 9:21

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I’m also getting little groinall response. But more sensitive....I’m feeling wetness but I’ve looked everywhere and people have said that groinal response can include wetness but I don’t know anymore.  I feel like I’m just fighting the truth

This post has been thanked 1 time. 30 September 2020 - 21:04

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Your not fighting the truth trust me its just ocd i feel the same way. Remember pedophiles think their actions are ok so they wouldnt be here looking for peoples opinions.

1 October 2020 - 0:26

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But this thing is John I don’t feel anything much toward it....I don’t know wether this is desensitisation or if it’s genuinely me but i know I don’t think it’s ok but It’s like I don’t care anymore 

This post has been thanked 2 times. 1 October 2020 - 0:36

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Thats ok thats how people who dont have ocd react they just let the thoughts flow.

1 October 2020 - 7:22

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Thanks John.   It just feels like if I let these thought happen and let them hang around in my head I’m scared that I’ll start to like them.  I’m scared that by letting them happen I’ll act upon them 

1 October 2020 - 7:23

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Anyone else ? Any other opinions ?

1 October 2020 - 17:16

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People with OCD never act on the thoughts. 

This post has been thanked 2 times. 1 October 2020 - 21:39

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Trying to figure out if you're into kids or not isn't going to give you an awnser. It's a compulsion and you gotta stop doing it. It's completely ok to not feel anxiety over this, worrying about your reaction to these thoughts is just OCD too. Also, OCD is going to give you false feelings about your thoughts because you are currently obsessed with them. OCD isn't just about having intrusive thoughts.

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