12 June 2019 - 18:57
Thank you for your time.
I wanted to ask your opinions, since I know you guys will know better than most, or at least have a better understanding.
I suffer from what I label as intrusive thoughts, since essentially that's what they are, but they don't fit into the three defined common categories and they're related to trauma the happened WAY in the past.
Anyway, I digress. Basically I have been with my girlfriend for 10 + years and she's wonderful. Funny, beautiful and very sweet. I will admit that there will be a ring for later this year.
I recently returned from a trip abroad with my family, then soon took my girlfriend on a trip that involved a long arduous drive. On the day we returned we sat with her family having a nice time (even if I was a little tired) and suddenly a thought hit me from nowhere (paraphrasing) "you're laugh is annoying" or "you're not likeable".
I was so taken aback that I even thought this. I love this girl, so where did that even come from?! Because of these kind of thoughts, I started to have an anxiety attack that I attempted to conceal from those around me. I felt sick to my stomach, sweating and even moderately shaking. I'm sure you know anxiety, so I won't detail it further. But the idea of these thoughts still churns my stomach. Whenever I see her I feel guilty, I feel anxious that I'll think something like that again. It's a vicious circle of course, the more you try to avoid these things they seemingly get worse.
Is this even something related to OCD or Intrusive Thoughts? Usually such thoughts are images, not this. I have been looking up online what it could be, even considering whether it's voices in my head, afterall I don't know what that would even be like. I feel dreadful about it, I want to propose to her but she deserves better surely.
Really confused and ashamed. My other intrusive thoughts are not like this, nor related to anyone.
Love to hear from you.