told my girlfriend

19 June 2019 - 23:03

Profile Image
Forum User
Join date: Feb 2019
Thanks: 19

so think I have just come out to my girlfriend which obviously was a lot of tears from us both as I am so confused. I feel completely different to you guys/girls on here where you offer disgust and no liking the thought where I actually feel like I want to act on these thoughts. I imagine kissing men and I like it have I just been clouded by been told it’s Ocd because I didn’t want to accept true desires and was easy for me to put a disorder to it. My girlfriend believes that this can’t be OCD as I actually like the thoughts. I feel like I am going to explode with all this if I just don’t let go and go out and act on something I feel I want to do. I watch gay pornography as and want to feel what they feel within the sexual act. This is effecting my mental health in a big scale now and just feel like I am potentially in the wrong website l. Yes my thoughts plague me day in day out but will going out and acting on it make me feel better and help me gather confirmation. This seems like a big case of denial to me and almost feel the stereotypical action of i have always known I am gay i just didn’t want to be. Please any advice and guidance would be greatly appreciated and also from openly gay people on here who could offer support

Pages

1 July 2019 - 22:15

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Feb 2019
Thanks: 19

thanks will do I still have bad times like tonight and one of the reasons I don’t respond to people is I don’t want to be giving them false advice as I am not a therapist. One of the string things I picture in my head is going to a gay bar and feel like i know I am in the right place and feel like I really want to lunge into a kiss with a man and test it. Aaah back again

2 July 2019 - 10:51

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Mar 2018
Thanks: 135

I've also considered several times not to write on this forum because i'm not a therapist, but most people come here looking for advice or even to share stories with other people that also suffer from OCD. If you have not been diagnosed with OCD by a licensed therapist, then i always recommend doing this first. Also before trying to do any exposure on your own, its better to learn with a therapist first. 

I also fall back into my own checking trap from time to time. What worked for me, is deciding what i want to do, after that whenever i feel the need to discuss or check with myself this subject, i would do everything possible not to start the checking/rumination. It doesnt work every time, but i learned slowly how to manage these thoughts.

So what i did in situations where i wanted to test if i would enjoy having sex with a man (because this would be the only explication for my thoughts, when in reality there are other reasons why i have these thoughts) i would actually say to myself, here we go again, i could probably enjoy this and then i continue what i'm doing, or lets see where this takes me and i would let my mind go wherever it wants without judgement...how you respond to these thoughts/compulsive needs is what makes the difference, if you avoid the thoughts, more will come, if you deny/push back these thoughts more will come, if you check the validity/reason of these thoughts, more will come, if you accept the content of the thoughts you dont feel good with yourself...so you could accept these thoughts as thoughts only, you could even make fun of these thoughts, you can even do whatever you want, your brain is your own universe...

2 July 2019 - 13:26

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Feb 2019
Thanks: 19

Hi I have been diagnosed with OCD about 10 years ago when I originally started therapy then I had 5 years of good times but over the last 6 months become recently bad. There is something I keep seeing online about internalised homophobia has anyone comes across this before? 

2 July 2019 - 21:05

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Mar 2018
Thanks: 135

Stop researching...its how OCD works, once you find enough info about internalized homophobia you will find another reason to think that you are gay. This is the best article i found about hocd/homosexuality (i've also read it some time ago, and i also feel the urge to read it again now, but i wont do it) [link removed by Moderator]

4 July 2019 - 21:11

Forum User
Location: Aurora, Colorado USA
Join date: Jun 2019
Thanks: 28

You asked if acting on these intrusive thoughts would make you feel better.  That's evidence that the thoughts are causing you pain and it's also a pretty strong indication that you are not gay so I would suggest that acting on them would not make you feel better but worse.  Also you said you didn't want to be gay.  Can an intrusive thought take control of your decision making skills?

I've read several posts about people having really absurd thoughts (I suffered from them many years ago) but I know that none of us are pedophiles, none of us are serial killers, none of us are terrible people, and I believe that very few (if any) are gay.  I believe that some people concede power over their decision making skills to the illness of OCD and I'm positive they will regret it  because if the illness can cotrol this area of your life, it can control any area of your life from here on out.

5 July 2019 - 13:14

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Feb 2019
Thanks: 19

just find it hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. My girlfriend and I sat down and spoke for about 2 hours last night and I was adamant to here that I now know I am gay, I was like I want to act on these desires to get my answer and she was like okay you need to go out and explore then it was very emotional and very hard for both of us but I don’t know if I can ever go on in my life without knowing the answer it’s crippling me. She asked if I go out and like it then it can’t be OCD and you actually like men so will this eventually give me peace from the graphic thoughts. I imagine kissing men and it seems to feel nice, I imagine scenarios of going down to touch his genitals and feels nice. I said to hear last night that I feel like OCD is something I have just clinged onto many of years ago, has this just been a route cause of denial. How do actually know I am not gay until I go out an explore isn’t that why people go out and experiment. Just don’t know what to believe these days with what’s true or what’s not. Just can’t make a full 100% decision on my own

7 July 2019 - 21:32

Forum User
Location: Aurora, Colorado USA
Join date: Jun 2019
Thanks: 28

When I was in high school, way back yonder, I felt the same way about drugs in that if it meant the symptoms would go away, I'll take them.  And ya' know, I'm 49 now and a day doesn't go by that I really regret it because I really did massive damage and I've spent the last 35 years trying to build something from the rubble.  It's been a monumental task but I'm finally getting things back in order.

I don't want the same thing to happen to you.  Don't let these "graphic thoughts", as you put it, rule over your life.

Pages