told my girlfriend

19 June 2019 - 23:03

Profile Image
Forum User
Join date: Feb 2019
Thanks: 11

so think I have just come out to my girlfriend which obviously was a lot of tears from us both as I am so confused. I feel completely different to you guys/girls on here where you offer disgust and no liking the thought where I actually feel like I want to act on these thoughts. I imagine kissing men and I like it have I just been clouded by been told it’s Ocd because I didn’t want to accept true desires and was easy for me to put a disorder to it. My girlfriend believes that this can’t be OCD as I actually like the thoughts. I feel like I am going to explode with all this if I just don’t let go and go out and act on something I feel I want to do. I watch gay pornography as and want to feel what they feel within the sexual act. This is effecting my mental health in a big scale now and just feel like I am potentially in the wrong website l. Yes my thoughts plague me day in day out but will going out and acting on it make me feel better and help me gather confirmation. This seems like a big case of denial to me and almost feel the stereotypical action of i have always known I am gay i just didn’t want to be. Please any advice and guidance would be greatly appreciated and also from openly gay people on here who could offer support

Pages

24 June 2019 - 0:55

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Jun 2019
Thanks: 0

Having read most of the posts on here let me say one thing that stands out clearly to me. You are freaking out because you can't square these thoughts with how you have felt about yourself all this time. The key point here is the anxiety and the panic, the rest is honestly of little importance. There is nothing wrong with you. NOTHING at all. There are two possibilities here and only 2 one is that you are suffering from OCD which I agree with everyone here is BY FAR the more likely given the nature of how these thoughts arose for you and not having a history of them during your teenage sexual development years. That's just not how being gay normally works. But 2 sure let's entertain the idea that you are gay. That's hardly the end of the world. It may not be what you want right now and it might come as a shock but let's entertain the idea for a bit without the panic. Can you accept this possibility? If it were true could you accept it. Some part of your mind is telling you NO I CAN'T, which is where the panic and OCD comes in. But it really changes nothing about you as a person. Remeber too that what you can't accept is the fact that you are having these thoughts. You can't really do anything about that, pushing them away and denying you are having them is what makes them worse. Maybe see if you can just be curious about them. Entertain the idea ok what if I WAS gay...?

You said you wanted to try it out. Well I mean there is nothing wrong with that assuming both parties are consenting adults. Here's an idea. Go to a gay bar. I think you would find pretty quickly you would know one way or the other as you slowly explored that path whether you were truly gay. One possibility may be that you are bisexual or some part bisexual. Honestly a huge number of people are to some degree.

I'm not saying you ARE any of these. I think by far the most likely is you are just suffering from OCD, it's a chameleon and just because you experienced it one way in the past doesn't mean you won't experience it in a new way in the future.

The easiest way to make OCD worse is to fight it. It looses its power when you accept the thoughts and try to explore them curiously. Oh this is interesting. I wonder why I'm having these thoughts. Doesn't mean they mean anything, but maybe they do. Doesn't mean they mean what you think they mean either.

24 June 2019 - 1:14

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Feb 2019
Thanks: 11

smilax I like your post it makes very logical sence but I am at a point now where I I just feel now I don’t need to go to  a gay bar to know that I am gay i just know. I have no gay friends to go out with to gay bars and would feel really weird just going on my own. But like you said there is possibility that I could be bisexual which means I have been brainwashed into thinking it OCD rather than accepting me desires which had left me severely depressed for years I am 34 and this happened started to get bad when I was 18 I was probably 16 when it first started and I started noticing guys and checking them out when I went to college so I think this could me realising I was gay but just didn’t want to be due how my friends picture gay people and how homophobic comments were flown around probably kept me in the closet.

24 June 2019 - 1:52

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Jul 2018
Thanks: 9

Hello Smilax and thank you for such a great post. It’s true, there is nothing either being gay. It’s how people are they live that, they love whoever they love. You prove an amazing point which opens a lot of eyes. That’s what some people really need to understand is that there is nothing wrong with being gay. Now all of us know that OCD can really out ya at a point of just terrible states.

Blade, if you really think you are gay, and that you have been brainwashed for it to be OCD then why do you keep coming to this forum? There must be a valid reason why since everyone here experiences OCD? You have seen others have the same exact thoughts as you and the same exact feelings as you. But yet you still tell yourself it’s not OCD. And while you tell yourself that, and basically out yourself to your girlfriend. You still are obsessing, still checking, and still coming an OCD forum for reassurance but aren’t willing to abide by it because of how strong the grip this things has on you. Smilax even agrees that it’s most likely OCD because oh how you would write on your posts and how this didn’t affect you during the teenage sexual development years. Usually during these years, you kind of find out who you are. Now if your telling when you in these stages that you would masturbate to the thoughts of men during that time and naturally have thoughts about being with a man, then blade that’s a different story. But you never said that happened. You never said that it might’ve started while you were sixteen. You just said it started because an old lady told you that her ex husband was bisexual and you reminded her of him. You even said before you would always try be with girls and loves the sex with women. What happened to that?

24 June 2019 - 5:16

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Jun 2019
Thanks: 0

Blade. You come to an OCD forum seeking help people are going to tell you it's just OCD. If you went to a coming out forum people would give you advise on how to explore you sexuality as a gay or bisexual person. You are going to get the advise that most fits the community. The good thing here is that either outcome is ok. Honestly if you had OCD say about having cancer that is a situation where one situation is actually a terrible outcome and the other is just OCD. In your case the reality is that both are actually fine outcomes. We can't tell you if you are gay or not. Only you can find out that truth for yourself. If you are well then that's something you will have to work on accepting. If you aren't well then you still have to work on accepting the intrusive thoughts. You can't run from either truth. The reason I'm recommending exploring this idea cautiously like with the gay bar idea is that unlike many people with OCD you actually have a safe way of answering your question that is tormenting you. For many people with OCD the kinds of things that go through their heads are not things they can explore because they are truly horrible things. That doesn't make them horrible people. Perhaps there is a side of you that thinks you would be a horrible person if you were gay, that would explain why it's such a bothersome thought you fight. Well that's another journey for you to make then, to get to a place where you realize there is nothing horrible at all about it regardless of whether you are gay or not.

24 June 2019 - 8:24

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Feb 2019
Thanks: 11

I think it’s the only way I am going to find my answer I imagine kissing men and I seem to like it, I imagine giving oral and I seem to like it. How do  I accept the fact that I am gay though as these graphic thought plague me everyday 

 

24 June 2019 - 8:52

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Feb 2019
Thanks: 11

and the ultimate question is how do I know if I am gay or it is OCD.

24 June 2019 - 9:29

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Mar 2018
Thanks: 113

Blade118: check your last 2 replies, you are not sure you are gay (even though a few replies above you said you are sure you are gay)...does this sound like doubting to you? If these thoughts generate pleasure, genuine pleasure, i would explore the possibility that you are gay (if you've had sex with women and you like it, then you are bisexual). People with OCD dont like their thoughts, however they are caught in a circle (and anxiety is the main ingredient). From what you've wrote it feels like your obsession is now with being gay and that you like it, but you are still testing and checking.

Like others said, there is nothing wrong with being gay. Going to a gay bar (alone, you dont need friends to do this) you will see what happens...you either start runing the second a dude comes and tries to hook up with you or you will stay and enjoy the company.

Now how these words gay, straight...bisexual are being used doesnt seem correct to me (and i dont want to take away the power these words have), but the reality is that there is a scientifically sexual scale and most people are not 100% straight or 100% gay, most are both, we are sexual beings (considering we evolved from animals and the need to mate is the only "reason" to live). Most people dont explore their sexuality more than what society "accepts". It works both ways, its a choice, you can explore your sexuality, live with your decissions, or you can live with ocd (and doesnt even feel like ocd once you accept these thoughts) and learn how to deal with these thoughts. Most people dont care about sex, meaning they put family, job, hobbies, science...before sex, this means they choose to do this. If you have ocd, you have a sticky mind, meaning that you will obsess about a subject for a long period of time, how you react to this obsession can make it OCD or something else...

24 June 2019 - 10:14

Profile
Forum User
Join date: May 2019
Thanks: 18

Hi Blade118,

You didn't mention in your previous posts that you get these thoughts about men from the age 16. Majority of us didn't question our sexuality in our teenage years and it makes us even more scared that now, as adults, we are just out of the blue kind of turning into homosexuals. However, even though you are getting these thoughts from the age of 16, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are gay or bi. This forum is full of posts from people age 16-17 who have HOCD (their symptoms indeed match HOCD). So basically you can get HOCD at any age, including teenage years.
I agree with the suggestions which were posted there that you could go to the gay bar just to 'look around'. I wouldn't suggest you to rush into any sexual activities, just go the gay bar and try to spend some time there. I think one of the two things will happen - you will enjoy being in that environment or you will run away from it.

24 June 2019 - 14:28

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Jul 2018
Thanks: 9

When hit with depression and anxiety, you’ll lost a lot motivation and feelings towards many things. I love video games but due to this I lose my interest easily and feel like not playing anymore. Same thing for Graphic design, I love it but this makes me less motivated and just disinterested. Now this is probably a whole lot different from liking a certain person but here me out. During these times and I would force myself, when not motivated to, to do these things and my interest level for these would decrease because I don’t want to do it at all. Forcing yourself to do something never works. So forcing feelings is not gonna work. Going to the thoughts, it’s just how it is, it’s not force by you to think that. It’s forced by your mind which then makes ruminate through these thoughts feel whatever anxiety wants you to feel.

OCD80 isn’t not being 100% straight or gay being bisexual? I know what you mean by choice, you choose what you want to do that’s life. That goes well for blade. Trust me when we say we all have considered that scale. I’ve read countless amount of articles about it and yeah it’s human nature for one to think sexually, violently, etc. that doesn’t mean most are half murderers or half suicidal or half a pedophile. But you do bring up a point where no one can really do these things because it illegal but there people who still do it everyday. Illegal or not, murders happen around the world, some for satisfaction, others for a purpose. Suicide isn’t really illegal, you just lose your life. People are willing to for various amount of reasons however those who just get a random thought of killing themselves when they aren’t really suicidal doesn’t put them in that discussion. It’s all morals and yea choice, but nothing stop assaults, murders, rape, etc. we all know that with these thoughts we get impulses or urges to do things we don’t to do because it goes against our moral and who we are. Just because someone gets a dream or a thought about doing things sexually with the same sex or vice versa (which is the whole human race) doesn’t mean they’re 90% of something and 10% something else. And with OCD, it’s still kind of looking for an answer, the person may try admit they are bi or 80% straight and 20% gay, in the end they are looking for definite answer of how they feel and the next they’ll feel like poop

24 June 2019 - 14:35

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Mar 2018
Thanks: 113

If you quantify how much bi, straight or gay...you fall again in the trap of OCD. Its the same, you need reassurance that you are only xx% gay or straight or whatever. The idea is to accept these thoughts. The method you choose to accept these thoughts doesnt matter. There are 2 components to an ocd crisis, first its the obsession (for hocd is being gay, as a concept) and then its your reaction to the obsession. If you deny these thoughts more will come, if check the validity of the thoughts, more will come, so the solution is to accept these thoughts. This does not mean you accept what these thoughts say, you just accept that you have these thoughts, and you stop fearing these thoughts and the content, and you chose to live with these thoughts (the moment you are 100% commited to doing this, the intensity of the thoughts will lower consistently and you will be able to live your life, if you monitor yourself you will notice how you didnt ruminate all day, how you didnt think about gay stuff all day and so on...). The reason for having these thoughts does not matter, but if you want an explanation i wrote it in my previous post, all of this is part of human nature, however our response to this thoughts is maintaining the ocd/anxiety. Every book i've read mentions that 90% of humans have all kind of thoughts, from weird to illegal (for example, at work, a coleague does something you dont like and pop the thought i wish i could kill him...)...but they dont give importance to these thoughts, we on the other hand give to much importance...

Pages