staring again

8 June 2014 - 20:56

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I have a disgusting ocd. Its perverted. I have posted before. Still cannot stop staring at blackj mixed race boys ie teen agers. Esp idiots and pretty boys. I am 36 going on 37. I am on tablets go jogging and practice mindfulness. The only trouble is I occassionally get beaten up due to my behaviour but I dont want that to be my excuse. What am I not doing? I am always scared it will happen. What am I doing wrong? I am humiliating myself. Please help me. I can't look at myself without feeling disgusted and disgraced by myself

This post has been thanked 1 time. 10 June 2014 - 14:08

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Don't be, none of this is your idea, it's the OCD that should be ashamed of itself.  Sorry I can't give any better answer than that, I'm afraid I just can't think of anything.  You've done CBT, haven't you?  Are you still seeing anyone for that, or did you stop because it wasn't getting anywhere? 

Finally, have you tried homoeopathy?  I'm just saying that because it's my standard suggestion to anyone who isn't finding that CBT on its own is doing the trick, because it works for me some of the time.  See my other posting: http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forum/support-carers-friends-and-parents/any-advice-please-i-will-try-not-bore-you-all#comment-56347

Sorry to hear you're having such trouble and I hope this starts to sort itself out soon.

Wombat140

10 June 2014 - 22:37

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Hi ocdpatient

I remember talking to yourself back in January time hoping you have moved forward from where you were back then. Keep at the mindfulness if you can also jogging is very beneficial as I tend to do a bit of running myself, I was thinking about doing the Edinburgh marathon in the future but only time can tell as I got inspired by another ocd sufferer who done the edinburgh marathon a while back.

I would echo what Wombat has been saying try not to feel disgusted with yourself it only makes the ocd stronger. Remember to keep thinking about the small goals that you have achieve and remember don't be hard on yourself by saying I haven't achieved any goals, Instead of thinking about mountain think about the hill that's the way forward thinking about small goals that would probably get posted on the achievement section on the ocd website.

Ocd Achievements 

Welldone for your last achievement Wombat.

I just thought of an achieve for myself, I've go and post it on the Achievement section.

11 June 2014 - 20:41

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I read it - well done yourself Grams.  Thanks.

21 June 2014 - 20:07

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Thanks for your help. I asked for a review meeting with my psychriatic team so lets see what they come up wwith. My partner is distressed by it . its very frustrating. he had a dream that i would be gwarping at some street kid and then get followed and dragged into a car with four street  kids and then the rest is obvious.

His dream was very vivid.

Horrible for him. It does make me much more cautious but it was scary when i was staring at some street teenager, and he stepped forward to speak to me but stopped as he saw my partner behind me. I turned around but have  no recollection of the event and felt distressed and disgusted. Its horrible, and i can't take it back once its happened.

He saw a guy, another scanky 20 something idiot, who recognised him from when i was looked  at him on the bus a few months ago,again ugly, rough and scanky and would have come and spoken to me had i been on my own, this was on our local high street. so what happens, its dangerous and we will both be laughed at. i look like a slut and it looks like i enjoy it at the time it happens. need help. I smirk like i want some from them. its as if my partner is not en ough for me but he is more than i could imagine i could have as a partner. he's amazing. so what is my problem, attention?

21 June 2014 - 21:29

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I doubt it.  From the sheer weirdness of this, I think it's just simply an OCD issue and you know there's never any reason for those at all.  Sometimes it seems to pick the most arbitrary, meaningless things deliberately.  Sorry to hear you're struggling so much with this.  Let's hope the review comes up with something, I think this definitely needs looking at again and properly!

Best wishes,

Wombat

22 June 2014 - 0:19

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Thanks Wombat. Hope everything is going well with you

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