Scared to tell therapist everything

12 August 2019 - 14:12

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Hi everyone,

So I am currently on the waiting list to see a CBT counsellor, and obviously I want to get the best out of therapy and benefit as much as possible, however I'm scared that if I tell them everything they'll think I'm a criminal and get me arrested. I've never wanted to actually hurt anyone AT ALL, but I feel I can't be trusted around small children and may impulsively do something, just 'because i can' or to self-sabotage myself, which sounds strange, because of course I want to happy and don't want to hurt anyone, but it's like my brains thinking even though I don't want to do it, I'm gonna do it anyway, if that makes sense? Maybe it serves as a form of self punishment or something, I don't know ,because harming someone else is the worst possible thing I can think of doing and it would cause me so much pain. I also ruminate on events to see if I actually did harm anyone, and some im still doubtful about, so if I say I'm not sure if I actually did hurt someone or not, what will happen? Has anyone been arrested because of OCD, or actually acted out on an urge or impulsively? I'm terrified of that happening. I don't want to be a bad person at all, I just want to be able to help people and look after my younger brother, I don't want this at all!

oh, and I also want to mention that when I was telling my doctor that I have intrusive thoughts about harming people, he asked me if I've ever actually acted on those thoughts. Why would he ask me that if OCD is just an overthinking disorder?  

13 August 2019 - 21:25

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I sent you a PM!

14 August 2019 - 19:55

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Hi Evgenia
Your post sounds the same as me. I am terrified of hurting children or old people . I also ruminate over the past and when I can't remember things exactly my anxiety skyrockets.
My husband told me once to remember a car accident I had when another person drove into me. He said you don't think 'did I have a car accident' you KNOW you had a car accident. I think his point was that big things that happen you would know they have. But then we're getting into the whole doubt thing and as we know doubt is Ocd's best friend . I also worry why do I have these thoughts what does it say about me but my therapist reckons a bad person wouldn't care.

Love and hugs x

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