30 November 2014 - 16:31
I've never posted on a forum before but have been to this website and others like it many times seeking relief. However, recently I've been severely suffering from guilt over something that happened a week ago, something that I've talked to both my mom and my therapist about and they say I shouldn't feel bad about.
A week ago, I was out at a bar with friends--one of whom is my girlfriend's friend who I have a little crush on-- and everybody took off and it just ended up being me and this girl I had a little crush on. I didn't make a move or do anything even close to flirting, but I still feel ridiculously guilty because I put allowed myself to be in a situation where it was just her and me, talking and drinking. I was a little drunk so I was more talkative than usual, but I didn't do/say anything inappropriate. I feel terrible for having sexual thoughts about this girl, as if I'm betraying my girlfriend.
I went to buy my friend a drink and as I was standing there I had a rush of guilt and excitement and shame run over me, the type I'd imagine one feels if they were cheating on someone. Because of that feeling, I feel like i committed a terrible crime.
My OCD centers around Relationship OCD and I have always had an absurd amount of guilt, overly so. I love my girlfriend so much and I feel terrible for having thoughts about this other girl, and putting myself in a position where many bad things happen for people-- drinking at bars. The night is all very fuzzy; I know I didn't act on any of these feelings, but it feels as though it's hard to pinpoint exactly where this guilt is coming from and for what reason.
I guess my question is, should I feel guilty? Did I do anything wrong? How do I stop feeling so guilty? Is my insanely persistent feeling of guilt indicative of how I should feel, despite people telling me I shouldn't feel guilty?
Thank you very much